Edition six: Connection, meaning, and the stories we tell
In our last blog, we explored the role of storytelling in discovering purpose.
The idea that “stories are data with a soul” has become a guiding principle for researchers gathering qualitative insights about the human experience. Simply asking someone to “tell us your story” unlocks a world of meaning. But if we consider that human beings are hard-wired for connection, as psychologist Abraham Maslow—creator of the Hierarchy of Needs—famously noted:
“The human being is a social creature, not only in the sense that he is sociable, but also in the sense that he simply cannot exist without some kind of relationship to others.”
Then we must ask ourselves, to what extent does our relationship with others influence the meanings we assign to any given experience? How much has it influenced the soul in our stories.
Patricia Churchland, philosopher and neuroscientist, writes that “belonging and caring anchor our sense of place in the universe.” We don’t build meaning in isolation — we build it through the families, communities, and cultures that shape us. The stories we tell about ourselves are steeped in these shared frameworks: what counts as success, what moments become turning points, what lives we admire. Storytelling isn’t just about organising memories; it’s an act of connection. Through it, we make sense of who we are, and we offer ourselves to be seen.
“A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.”
Let’s take a moment to reflect on that. The communities we belong to shape the stories we tell. They give us a context through which we assign meaning. And yet, we also tell stories to gain validation, to reinforce connection with others. The risk of reaching out and being rejected is not just uncomfortable—it’s a matter of psychological survival, as Maslow argued and Brené Brown confirmed.
So here’s the question:
How do we distinguish between meanings we’ve made to protect ourselves from rejection and meanings that foster, or have been fostered by, healthy connection to others?
Can a clearer sense of purpose help us know the difference?
At The Excitable Soul, we explore this delicate balance by considering wholehearted living, a concept developed by Brené Brown to describe the choice to minimise emotional armour—like perfectionism or numbing—and instead embrace vulnerability and connection. As we do this work, we begin to see the patterns in our stories: where we hid parts of ourselves to fit in, avoided pain, or silenced our desires out of fear of not belonging.
As you sift through the important stories of your life and realise you have been behaving in a way to survive, to protect yourself from shame, (which would be everyone to one extent or another), then it’s vital to remember that purpose is not a stick to beat ourselves with; these protective strategies were often good-faith efforts to stay safe. Jennifer Crocker’s research on self-worth shows how tying our value to external approval makes our self-esteem fragile, while Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion reminds us to meet these strategies with kindness. Through compassion, we build a steady internal worth and gain the courage to re-examine our stories with curiosity instead of shame.
If protecting ourselves shaped many of our past stories, what could belonging look like when we shape our stories with intention and hope? This is where Owen Eastwood’s view of timeless belonging enters the frame. Owen Eastwood, who describes belonging not just as connection to others, but as a sacred lineage—a concept he draws from the Māori idea of whakapapa. It’s the belief that we are part of an unbroken chain: connected to those who came before us, walking alongside those who are here now, and holding space for those who will follow. He calls this our “time in the sun”—a reminder that we are merely stewards of a greater story, with the opportunity and responsibility to shape the world we pass on. But this thread of belonging doesn’t just stretch across generations—it stretches within us. We can learn to belong to our past self, with all their imperfect striving, and extend compassion to our future self, with all their becoming.
At The Excitable Soul, we believe that true purpose cannot exist in isolation. It is born where meaning meets contribution—where the personal and the communal intertwine. Research across psychology and philosophy echoes this: from Viktor Frankl’s insistence that meaning emerges through serving others, to Abraham Maslow’s recognition that self-transcendence—the act of reaching beyond oneself—is the highest expression of human development. Belonging is not just about feeling accepted; it is about recognising ourselves as part of something large, and finding the courage to offer our gifts to it. Service anchors us in a shared story. It reminds us that our lives matter not because of what we achieve for ourselves, but because of the impact we have on the lives we touch. Through meaningful contribution, we don’t just find our purpose—we live it.