Episode #21: Yasmin Neves
A Path to Self-Acceptance and Balance: The power of Self-Love and Healthy Choices
Today we're joined by the incredible Yasmin Neves, a coach and speaker whose journey of self-discovery and personal growth is nothing short of inspiring. In this episode, Yasmin opens up about her transformative path since being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2018, discussing the lifestyle changes she made, from quitting a successful corporate career to embracing a whole food plant-based diet and deepening her meditation and yoga practices.
Together, we dive into the importance of balance, the power of intuition, and the significance of starting small when tackling major lifestyle changes. Yasmine's message that "everything's going to be okay" serves as a constant reminder for herself and all of us to trust the process and let go of fears. We also explore her passion for creating judgment-free workplace cultures and the ongoing journey to self-love and self-acceptance.
Tune in as we reflect on the impact of energy and emotions, the challenge of navigating societal pressures for instant gratification, and the beauty of embracing uncertainty. Yasmin's wisdom, including insights from her 3-year-old self, offers valuable lessons for anyone looking to lead a more balanced, fulfilling life.
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Read the transcript here
James Glover [00:00:09]:
Alrighty. Welcome to the excitable soul podcast. Here, we are interested in all things purpose. We want to know where and how people find meaning and connection in their lives. In every episode, we're gonna be hearing the real life stories of how people have uncovered, understood, and unleashed their own unique sense of purpose. Our hope is that we can all learn from the stories and the journeys of our guests so that we can better find the sense of purpose in our own lives. I'm host James Glover, performance coach and purpose nerd. I'm incredibly excited to be exploring these stories with you.
James Glover [00:00:44]:
So let's get going, shall we? Today's guest is Yasmin Neves. Following her diagnosis of an autoimmune condition, Yasmin, Yaz has become obsessed with the mind body connection. She began her education in personal and professional coaching, investing in understanding how our thoughts and feelings impact our lives and how to implement change at an unconscious level. Today, Yaz is a coach, speaker, and runs a multi award winning HR consultancy, Healthy HR. Yaz is proud to sit on the tribunal for employment claims in England and Wales. She has a passion for creating workplaces where people can bring their whole selves and take full responsibility for their actions, beliefs, patterns, and behaviors. She's working to realize her vision for cultures free from judgement where people can increase their self awareness and work on healing themselves through self awareness and emotional regulation. This is a really personal and thought provoking account of finding meaning in moments of deep personal challenge.
James Glover [00:01:52]:
So strap yourselves in and enjoy. Alright, ladies and gents. Welcome back to another episode of the Excitable Soul podcast. I have Yaz with me here today. Yaz, how are you doing? How are you feeling?
Yasmin Neves [00:02:04]:
I'm really good. I'm really looking forward to this conversation. Yeah. I'm having a good day.
James Glover [00:02:09]:
Amazing. We were talking just before we started recording about the power of getting little jobs done and out of the way and kind of the, the feeling of liberation that that can create. And I know that you've had a bit of a big morning on that front. Right?
Yasmin Neves [00:02:23]:
Yes. I don't know why I do it my to myself. I've had a week of many little things that I should have done. And if I mastered them on Monday, they wouldn't have taken up any space in my head, but I've been in overwhelmed, lots going on. But I finally did it this morning, and it's created so much space in my brain, and I feel so much lighter. So another lesson for me to learn.
James Glover [00:02:45]:
Every day is a school day. That's what they like to say. Right? Every day is a school day.
Yasmin Neves [00:02:48]:
Absolutely. It really is. It really is.
James Glover [00:02:52]:
So we are gonna talk all things purpose, meaning connection today. And, you know, our our audience come getting used to our our structure really and and kind of looking back into the past and talking about the moments that really uncovered that kind of sense of meaning and connection for you, then thinking about in the moment today, how do you make sense of it and use it? And then what does it mean for the future and, and going forward and kind of leaps of faith in going into the unknown? But I guess before we get into all of that, I'm just I'm really curious. Like, when when you think of the word purpose or the concept of purpose, like, how do you make sense of it? Because for a lot of people, just even the concept is massive and can feel a bit overwhelming.
Yasmin Neves [00:03:35]:
Yeah. It really can. And I think in periods of my life, I've been that person kind of in overwhelm thinking about, right, what's my purpose? What am I here to do? Whatever I'm doing doesn't quite feel big enough, doesn't feel like I'm having a big enough impact. And that in itself is such a big topic to kind of unpack. In prepping for this podcast, I was just doing a bit of reflecting on my life, and it reminded me of a story that my mom reminds me of probably a couple of times a year. And it goes back to the first thing that I ever said, the first words that came out of my mouth. And she said I was around about, 3 years old. So I was quite young, and up to that point, I hadn't really said very much, and I was quite shy.
Yasmin Neves [00:04:20]:
I was quite inwards. She said I was lying in, we had a bay window in our front room in our in our terraced house. The the the blinds were open, and it was a I I can't I think I remember it. She's either placed memory in my in my mind or I do remember it. I'm sure the sky was blue and there's clouds going over. And I was lying there just looking up contemplating life, which I know sounds big, but I I I that's who I am. And I said to her, so what's this all about then? And I I I meant every word of that question. And that's a question that stuck with me.
Yasmin Neves [00:05:03]:
And I it's something that I ponder often and I know that's really deep and I've gone straight in there. But yeah. And she she I remember when she first reminded me of that and told me, she said, you know, those are the first words out of your mouth, and that was the moment she realized, that she was gonna have a a a job on her hands with me as her daughter. Like, how does she answer that?
James Glover [00:05:27]:
I would that was gonna be my immediate question. Like, where did she go to? Like, a, you're 3. So what is it did that you could possibly understand about that question? And, b, did she have an answer for it?
Yasmin Neves [00:05:39]:
No. And she still hasn't, which is really brilliant. And everyone else I've asked since haven't given me a straight answer.
James Glover [00:05:47]:
Yeah. Wow. I love that. I love that. It's like a journey decades in the making. I'm still asking the same question.
Yasmin Neves [00:05:56]:
Genuinely though, and I know that that's a bit weird. Like, no. I don't think it's weird. It's something often if I walk in the dark or I've got, like, a moment of free brain space, I still go, so why are we doing this? Like, why are we here? Why are we on this earth? What's the point? Even when we're doing good in the world, making us trying to make this a better place, like, what's the ultimate goal? Like, what are we trying to achieve? And, I'm still working it out.
James Glover [00:06:22]:
Yeah. Well, you know, this is a really brilliant place for us to start, I think. Like, can we can we get into a bit of that? Like, you know, even though you're still figuring it out, what what are some of the kind of the experiences, the questions, the thinking that you ask yourself to try and make sense of that question?
Yasmin Neves [00:06:42]:
It changes. And as I change and as I learn and as I evolve and as my, as my consciousness kind of goes up different levels and as I kind of pull up in the ladder, it changes. And if you would have asked me this question maybe a year ago or 5 years ago or 10 years ago, and I know if you're asking me in the future, I'm gonna give you a different answer. I think that's really important because we're supposed to change as people. We're supposed to evolve. We're supposed to grow. We're supposed to make mistakes. We're supposed to be different versions of ourselves.
Yasmin Neves [00:07:17]:
So today, in this moment right now, and this is a very new learning for me, something I've been really working on. For me, my purpose is to be the best version of myself, and that could that that could sound quite selfish to some people. It's all about me and me being the best version. But I want to be the best version and show up as the best version of Yaz every single day so then I can better serve others through the work I do. Like, if I'm showing up and, you know, I'm in a good place mentally, emotionally, I'm I'm I'm in a good place, I'm feeling good about myself, I love myself, then I'm gonna be able to give more to others and hopefully make this world a bit of a better place. And then my brain automatically goes to the high aggression of, okay, making the world a better place. Why am I doing that? Like, why do we need to make this world a better place? What's the point? What's the bigger thing behind that? And, like, for me, I'm quite a spiritual person. And I don't you know, I'm I'm not religious in the sense of that, you know, I follow one religion, but, I do believe that there's so much that we don't know.
Yasmin Neves [00:08:30]:
And I've always been spiritual, but as I worked my way through the corporate world and worked my way up with the the corporate ladder and tried to get all those external things to make me happy, like the house, the car, the money, I lost it. I lost my way on the journey, but there's been bumps in the road that's kind of brought me back to the whole spiritual bigger bigger picture pieces. And some of those philosophies really helped me kind of not get overwhelmed with those big questions of why am I doing all of this. It's about just trust in the process, allowing things to be, you know, here. Everyone's everyone's here for a reason. Everyone's exactly where they need to be. So some of those philosophies helping answer some of those bigger questions and just like, oh, do you know what? Does it matter? Let go of that control and just allow things to pan out as they as they're supposed to.
James Glover [00:09:25]:
I and, that that that those words of, just let go and allow things to pan out, Like, they sound like such simple words to to kinda hear, but what it takes sometimes to actually let go of stuff can feel like a herculean effort, can't it? So I got I got 2 2 questions. 1, you talked about, I I know that I I want to show up as the best version of me. That feels purposeful because if I appreciate me, if I love me, if I invest in me, then the version of of me that's gonna create impact in the world is gonna be is gonna be the best possible. What what was the journey that led to that? So what are some of the experiences that you've had, like, that up until today that have really shaped that realization for you?
Yasmin Neves [00:10:19]:
Oh, I think that there's been lots of points in my history. Some big ones, some little ones, that have all created this version of Yaz that I've seen for interview today. Going back to that 3 year old version, like, at the sky asking my mom, you know, what's the meaning of life and not getting that answer. I then moved on to being a 4 year old child going to school, and it's only in the last couple of years I've realized how significant this was for me. I went to school, and I didn't fully appreciate or understand that when you go to school, your parents leave you there and you have to be there for the whole day. Like, no one explained that to me. And I remember being really excited to go to school and I skipped a long corridor. And then the next moment, my mom shut the door and walked out.
Yasmin Neves [00:11:08]:
And I was like, what what do you mean you go in? Come back. Because over the first two years of my life, I had a massive meltdown every single day when she tried to drop me off at school. Like, it must have been horrendous for her. So that, I believe, now looking back on it, played a huge and, you know, it's not significant trauma like some people have. It's all relative. But a feeling of, like, true a feeling of abandonment of just being left there, not realizing, not really knowing when she's gonna come back, that really, I think, has shaped different experiences throughout my life and created some beliefs that I hold about situations of, you know, oh, is this gonna last forever? Are they gonna leave me? So that early experience has kinda shaped me going forward, but then there's been other things like, you know, as a teenager, different things happened, which I'm not gonna go into detail. And then in my early twenties, I had some more personal stuff go on in my family life that I found I just didn't have didn't have the knowledge or the experience or the wisdom to be able to handle those. I didn't know how to handle my emotions.
Yasmin Neves [00:12:25]:
Didn't know how to handle my feelings. And those significant events dropped me into this very dark, dark place of depression, anxiety, hopelessness, not really knowing what my purpose was at all in in this life, to the point where I, you know, I suppose I'm living at home with my dad at that point and my now husband, the 3 of us living together. And I didn't have a job. I didn't know what to do in my life. Didn't go to university. I just completely utterly lost. But even that, I'm looking back now, I'm thankful for because it meant that I have to go to the job center to sign on, which I was mortified by, but I went there and did it. But that led to an opportunity of coming up where I got a placement with a company.
Yasmin Neves [00:13:12]:
And that first experience of going to work somewhere with someone saw something in me, I started a HR apprenticeship and worked my way. I started to work my way at the corporate ladder. That was really significant significant for me, and I went from this side of the scale of completely depressed, anxious. At that point in time, I was a lot bigger than I am now. I was a size 26 in in in in clothes, And I started to kind of come on this journey of being, you know, from here, and then I worked my way to the complete opposite end of the scale of being driven, stressed, and a high achiever, multiple businesses where where I got to the point where I completely and actually burned myself out to the point that one day I woke up and I couldn't see out of my left eye. I I I did it well, and then my body completely broke down, and eventually, I got diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2018. And that that was obviously a huge changing point in my life Yeah. Luckily for the better.
James Glover [00:14:21]:
And the the, the the journey there, like, the if the kind of the image in my head is kind of almost like the pendulum swinging. Like, it was it was kind of at one side, and you you it was it wasn't moving. It was stuck. And then you you kind of unleashed it, unhooked it, and it started to move, but it picked up pace. And then it kind of moved past any kind of midpoint and just kept swinging and kept going until it was totally the other side. And all of the costs that you were feeling to begin with and that that kind of experience that you you wanted to remove, you kind of then got to another side, and there was a whole bunch of other costs associated with with that. So, like, what was what what was the kind of the sense making for you when you kind of receive when you reached the other side and and that kind of realisation of what are the distance that's traveled and where you are now because of that?
Yasmin Neves [00:15:19]:
I love I love that analogy. I'm gonna steal that, so thank you to share that pendulum, but I'm I'm gonna take that away. When the so a condition like MS takes a long time to diagnose because it's quite complex and every person it it impacts everything differently. So through the diagnosis, which took 2 years for me, which is actually quite quick, I started to then consider my life and my options and really think about what I was going to do. So then the week of the diagnosis in 2018, it was, early summer. I was at a point then where I was like, okay. I'm pretty sure this diagnosis isn't gonna come. I need to make some significant changes because there was a deep knowing in me that knew that all I was being told this was an incurable disease, which which the trajectory was, you know, you slowly get worse to the point where you'll, you know, you completely have to rely on others.
Yasmin Neves [00:16:21]:
There's something in me that knew that if I made changes around me to my lifestyle, that could potentially slow that progression down. I I don't know where they came from. I just had this inner knowing. So when I got the diagnosis, we were in the middle of me and my husband, buying a 500 year old Tudor farmhouse. Yep. Was in the middle of a field, basically, with no utilities, no access. I remember someone saying to me, oh, so you got your diagnosis now, so obviously you're not gonna go and buy that house. And me and my husband were like, we are absolutely gonna go buy the house.
Yasmin Neves [00:16:57]:
So MS diagnosis, the house sale went through. I quit my job, my corporate job, which was the financial stability that we had the same week. And we moved we were planning to then to move to this country with with a completely different way of life. So there was something in me pushing me into that. It was scared. It was so scary to recall those decisions, but I knew that's what I needed to do. And it was almost like I was being guided internally.
James Glover [00:17:28]:
Yeah. And I so I I really love, I really love the kind of the power of intuition because there's so much rich data and information that we're just not consciously paying attention to, like, every second of every moment of every day. And that's not you and I being spiritual beings in this conversation. That's, like, hard evidence based neuroscience. And the the irony of hard evidence based neuroscience is it's basically proving 3000 year old philosophy anyway. But this sense of intuition that is guiding you, what enabled you to pay attention to it? Because there's one thing feeling it and there's another thing acting on it. Right?
Yasmin Neves [00:18:17]:
I that's such a good question. Now I think I'm really fortunate that I was born into this body with quite a strong intuition. If if if those words that I said as my mom early on were my first words, I think I was quite naturally had this inner something. Now, obviously, I lost it along the way. I completely lost it. Did not pay any attention. The the there was a lot of noise around me. Everything I was consuming was distracting me, you know, food, toxins.
Yasmin Neves [00:18:49]:
And I think a lot of people get to a point of crisis in their lives where they just have to have a big wake up call, and obviously mine was the MS diagnosis. And that was enough to kinda shake me to go hang on a minute. I need to start doing something differently. And, luckily, my intuition was strong enough, and it wasn't a voice. It was a a a feeling of knowing. My say wasn't a voice, even though I'm saying it's a knowing. It was a feeling. It was a push.
Yasmin Neves [00:19:16]:
It was just something that I had to do. I just went with it. And so what I decided to do, very fortunately, I found a lifestyle charity called Overcoming MS, who I am truly grateful for because they, they are advocates of lifestyle modification to help treat MS, and I luckily found them very early on in my journey. And one of the first things I did was I modified my diet, and then I started meditating, then I started doing yoga, then I started to change little bits and pieces in terms of everything that I was consuming. Not not only food, but the people I was hanging around with, the things I was watching on TV, music I was listening to. And the more I started to reduce I don't know what word to use, but the only word I've got at the moment, I was trying to reduce the amount of toxins that I was putting consuming in all the different aspects. The more I do that and continue to do that, the louder my intuition gets because it's not having to battle or fight through cleaning up anything internally. Does that make sense?
James Glover [00:20:29]:
Oh god. Makes sense. Like, I'm trying to, to scribble notes as you're talking. One of the things I do with guests is, like, so so much information. I'm like, oh, I just need to scribble a note. I need to scribble a note. And there were, like, 4 or 5 things I was trying to capture at the as you're you're writing there because, right right at the very beginning of of you talking about the experiences of being dropped off at school, you were talking about, I didn't know that was gonna happen. And the impact of that was was really quite shocking.
James Glover [00:20:57]:
Right? So there's this kind of there's this experience of not knowing and a really a really negative outcome and experience off the back of it. And then you talked about this, this inner knowing. Right? And what was really interesting for me in the kind of the shift from the kind of not knowing experience to the knowing experience was you talking about, like, where your attention was being consumed. You used the word noise, which I thought was, like, really, really rich kind of expression of all of the things that are interfering with this kind of information that's available, but you can't get to. And that, actually, it took something to kind of almost shake you up and and and cut through the noise. Like, it was something so big. It's like that. Like, Thor's hammer comes, like, whooping whooping through to, to to kind of almost bring you bring you bring you back to yourself, bring you through the noise to then go, oh, alright.
James Glover [00:22:06]:
Okay. It's this. This is the stuff that I need to be doing. This is the stuff that I need to be going after because, as you say, like, at 3, you're asking those questions. So so, you know, you definitely knew it was in there somewhere, but you'd kind of lost connection with it. And it it feels really interesting that the the shake up followed by the support of the of the kind of the charity enabled you to go, alright. Well, what where am I placing my attention? What is consuming my attention? What is the noise? What are the toxins? And, actually, how do I start to systematically shift those things and then mentally feel the benefit? I guess the final thing I heard and you can tell I was really transgrouble. The final thing that I heard there was about it wasn't just like, food.
James Glover [00:22:56]:
There were people too. So can you talk to us a little bit? Because I'm, you know, I'm imagining if I'm listening to to this, like, people going, yeah. I can totally understand the noise and the interference. But, you know, I haven't had the thing that's shaken me up yet, but I'm listening. So if you haven't had the thing that shakes you up, how can you start to pay attention, and how can you start to cut through the noise, and how do you start to make progress, And what against?
Yasmin Neves [00:23:23]:
Oh, gosh. That even all of that is so big in itself. I mean, wouldn't it be amazing if, like, people didn't have to have those crises or those moments of where their life completely breaks down to get to where they need to be? It's just unfortunate that most people who kind of uncover who they are, they have to have these moments of complete breakdown. I think people have to start small, and I think people who listen to what I talk about, follow me on social media, or know my daily routine now and how clean. I I don't like that word, but it's all I can think of. I I I live. I've been told by major people that I'm quite intimidating in terms of how I live my life, and it's really unachievable. And, yes, alright for you because, you know, you you you got some disposable income and you got this and you got that.
Yasmin Neves [00:24:21]:
And I have to remind myself so I can remind others that that hasn't always been the case, and it's been a journey. And it's taken steps and, you know, it's not linear. And sometimes I will move forward 5 steps and I'm doing really well, but then I make a mistake and I'll go back 10. And it's just about getting back up and carrying on. So I my advice to anyone that I'm ever speaking to is, you know, start small. Do not set yourself up to fail. And I think there are there there are loads of things that people can look up in their life, whether it's diet, whether it's their mindset, whether it's even as simple as, you know, water that that that they're drinking, what they're watching on TV. Choose one thing that you know that you can get a small win on and start with that.
Yasmin Neves [00:25:13]:
For me, it's it's it's really interesting that, it's a real challenge, actually, that one of the first, pillars of the Overcome an MS program is all around food, and they advocate a, whole food plant based diet. And I spent my whole life battling food. Like, I was completely addicted to ultra processed food. And for suddenly to go hang on a minute, for me to be fit and well, I'm gonna have to suddenly try and tame this, which I've never been able to do. I've failed every single diet in my life. I've done the yo yo dieting, and it's almost cruel that the thing that's gonna help keep me well is the very thing that I struggle with and addicted to. But the diet diet that I'm on now is the first time in my life where I actually don't feel like I'm on a diet. And the thing that keeps me going with it is always reminding myself of how well I feel today.
Yasmin Neves [00:26:05]:
And I know if I made a different choice and that, you know, tonight, if I went out and got a takeaway, for example, and I might get I could potentially get quite a good healthy takeaway that people perceive as healthy. But I knew if I went out and ate it and it was fried or or cooked in oil or or or wasn't organic, I know in an hour's time, I would pay the price. And for me, it's the choice of reminding myself how good I want to feel. And in those moments of weakness when I go, oh, I could eat this thing or I could drink this thing, which is that instant gratification, I know I will then pay for it. And it's always bringing myself back and reminding myself of that. And that's a journey. I don't always get it
James Glover [00:26:50]:
right. Yeah. Like, it it feels like the the the kind of the bicep curl in the gym, doesn't it? Like, there is a there is a a constant effort required. But, like, why do we do this? Why do you go to the gym? Like, not just to do bicep curls and have 1 big bicep, but, like, why go to the why do any kind of exercise? Well, you're you're stressing yourself, aren't you? You're kind of pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone because what you're saying to the body is, like, we need to grow. We need to change. We need to adapt. And, actually, stress for us as human beings is a good thing as long as we give ourselves the space to then be able to heal and adapt. It's when we continually plow in the stress and don't create the space for the kind of the healing and adaptation that things break down.
James Glover [00:27:35]:
And, you know, you're saying, actually, how well do I feel today? Like, I've gotta think about the choice that I'm going to make here. Like, you're not saying you have to make this choice. It's I have a choice. I can decide which of these 2. Now would would that taste absolutely amazing? Yeah. It would. And, you know, there are days where you're like, alright. I'm gonna I'm gonna just gonna do this because I want that, and there's a cost.
James Glover [00:28:02]:
Alright. Equally, if you make a choice that is about not having that takeaway and having the kind of the organic food, then there's a cost to that too because it may not necessarily bring you the same level of enjoyment as the takeaway would in the moment. But it's understanding that for yourself, isn't it? And being able to go, well, I can own that decision in this moment. And I find it in I find it interesting when the reaction that that that you have from others is, like, about the kind of the intimidation and the the unachievability. Because for me, there is a lot to be said for those individuals understanding themselves and understanding the reaction that they're having for themselves in seeing that. Like, what is intimidating about? Is it you, or is it the choices? You know, what feels unachievable? Is it where you've gotten to, or is it the the the accountability that that requires from from them? Like, that bit feels really interesting to me. Like, how do you manage that when when people are coming to you in that way?
Yasmin Neves [00:29:11]:
I'm I I I count myself lucky that I've got people in my life who will tell me that. And, you know, I'm sure this conversation's gone all behind my back. That's just what human nature, that's what happened. And I'm fortunate that I've had certain people who are close to me that have said that to me. I I I I find myself quite lucky. And, you know, different previous versions of me would got offended and upset and be like, oh my gosh. I'm doing all of this. Like, I'm I'm not doing it for any other reason but to try and be the best version of myself so I can help others.
Yasmin Neves [00:29:42]:
And, you know, it it used to have, really upset me, but then that's just more lessons for me to realize that there's more work for me to do there. Why is that upsetting me? What's the deeper belief that I need to go in and dig on? One of mine is I've always felt like I'm not quite good enough, and that's one I always have to kind of revisit and relook at from different levels. And it's just whenever I react to something or get upset, I am now in a position where I once I've caught myself and I've kind of got past the emotion because I'm still here when I react, Once I've kind of woken back up and gone, right. Okay. What is it about myself that I need to work on? Why is that triggering me? Why is that upsetting me? So I just allow people to have their, judgments now. That that that's that's theirs, not mine. There's nothing I can do about it. People are gonna judge regardless.
Yasmin Neves [00:30:34]:
It's about taking that lesson and figuring out, okay, what do I need to do with that? Why is that wind me up if it does? But it's also reminding people, Like I've just said, like, this has taken time. Like, in terms of my journey, in terms of progressing, being the best version of myself, I'm gonna say I started on my mindset probably 10 years ago. And, yes, that in itself is intimidating. If you tell someone, oh, yes. You you don't feel the best you can right now. This could probably gonna take 10 years before you do. And I completely get that scary. And it's because we live in a society where we want everything now.
Yasmin Neves [00:31:11]:
We are so used to, like, going to the shop and, you know, having food ready for us or having, you know, Netflix documentaries all there ready to go for us to binge on. We're so used to having stuff here right now. We're we're not very patient, me included. So it's kind of undoing that society piece, which is huge.
James Glover [00:31:32]:
Yeah. Matt, I mean, I just think about my my children. Right? My my my kids, have gotten really into watching gladiators. Right? And, and I and I love it because when I was a kid, I used to really love watching gladiators. Like, it was a it was a big Saturday night big Saturday night thing. And, it airs on BBC 1 every Saturday night, kinda 5:30 ish. But there it's not on Iplayer. There aren't there isn't every episode in this series.
James Glover [00:32:04]:
It's still, you know, airing 1 week at a time. And my kids can't get their head around it, that they've got to wait a week for the next episode. Are you joking? Like, we can watch 8,000 episodes of Bluey whenever we want because they are on, you know, like, every streaming site possible. Like, anything that they want to consume, they can consume at over whatever time scale they choose. And this is the first time in their little lives that somebody's gone nope, outside of their mom and I when it comes to putting boundaries around other things. My children aren't feral and rule the rule the roost just so that everybody knows. Well, I say that, you know, you have to ask some other people about their experience of them. But, yeah, this is the first time where where we've gone, we can't watch it because it's not gonna be on.
James Glover [00:32:51]:
And then even worse, last weekend, the FA Cup disrupted the weekend's viewing. So they've had to wait 2 weeks for this episode. You honestly. But that's, I guess, symptomatic of what you're describing, which is there is an immediacy in in the way in which we, can experience pleasure. And so any kind of barrier to that, feels challenging, feels difficult. But it's, it it's only a different kind of challenge and a different kind of difficulty than the one you're describing, which is actually, it's choice again. I I made a choice. I've invested the effort, and it takes time, and I'm just aware of that.
James Glover [00:33:32]:
And so there's there's a there's a there's a commitment almost. And so I'm I'm I'm I'm interested, if we kind of tie this back into, into kind of the sense of purpose, really, around these experiences because, you know, when whenever we're trying to make a choice, there is something that we're in service of. You know, the outcome is in service of something. So even if you just take your kind of takeaway example, like, the takeaway is, I'm in the what's that in service of in that moment? Like, tasty food. Like, it's a craving for kind of an for for for pleasure to some degree. And to make a choice not to have that pleasure in that moment, but to experience a different type of pleasure, in a different way of feeling healthy, it's not an easy choice. You know, to your point, all of the data and information about eating healthily, emotional regulation, mental focus, it's out there. Right? It's out there, and it's out there everywhere.
James Glover [00:34:33]:
Like, you could get whatever whatever answers you needed to whatever health problem you've got from Google, but it doesn't mean that we act on it. So what is the thing? Like, how does how does you being the best version of yourself maintain the anchor to the choices in the difficult moments? Like, what sits beneath that kind of concept for you that keeps you connected to it? I
Yasmin Neves [00:35:03]:
think for me, it's been a journey of and this is gonna sound so cheesy, but I'm going there. It's really been a journey about self love and self acceptance. And, I've got a lot of internal battles I'm still working with in in terms of, like, how I show up in the world because, you know, for a very long time, I was a lot bigger than I than I am now. And, mentally, my brain still hasn't caught up with the size I am now. And, that's a that's a continuing continuous daily battle. And I've I've throughout my life, I've shared different quotes, and different people have said to me, like, you know, love is the answer. Love is the highest form of vibration. Love is the always the way.
Yasmin Neves [00:35:52]:
And I always remember being like, whatever. Shut up. What what what load rubbish? What does that even mean? And it's it's the last year or so, it's made me I I can think I've kind of come to a place, and I haven't quite I don't fully understand it yet. But the reason that those comments have stuck with me and I reflect on it and have made me go, oh, is because I've had issues with my own self love and loving myself. And if I can't fully accept and love me, how can I then show that to the world? I think everything starts with us and starts with us as people. So the more I'm really truly understand that and I don't even know if love is emotion. It's it's it's not it's problem, more of an energy, even though energy and emotions are linked. I don't know.
Yasmin Neves [00:36:44]:
I'm going down a rabbit hole now. But if I can truly embody that and be that vibration of love, then I know unconsciously and consciously when I'm working with people in all aspects of my life, people are gonna feed off that. People are gonna, they're gonna feel that, and that's gonna make them feel hopefully better. Or some occasions, it makes people feel uncomfortable, but sometimes we need to feel uncomfortable in order to shift and move.
James Glover [00:37:14]:
Yeah.
Yasmin Neves [00:37:14]:
Am I making any sense at all?
James Glover [00:37:16]:
No. Massively. So, you know, what I'm what I'm really hearing here is there was, kind of almost this sense of something really important that you were you were unconsciously rejecting, but unconsciously really wanting, which was this idea of, a self acceptance and a, a just a valuing of of you. And that, actually, the kind of the need to be able to put whatever the noise was, if we use that terminology again, to one side and just be able to go, I am enough. And I I do love who I am and who I'm continually trying to be. Because the more I bring that, the more that radiates out from me is what I want people to experience in themselves and for themselves. You know, makes total sense. And I think it's, you know, uniformly true that energy is contagious.
James Glover [00:38:18]:
You know, we we all know that from a negative perspective. Like, you walk into a room that feels highly charged from a fear and anxiety perspective and immediately you feel exactly the same thing, but it's totally true for one that feels highly positively energized and, you know, hopeful and optimistic and alive and, you know, filled with that sense of connection and and belonging. And so to to to create an anchor for yourself, which is both for you and for others, because, you know and this might be a belief that that I hold. Like, when we talk about I want this for me because the impact of it is for others, it's actually not just about you and about it's about the interconnection. It's the reciprocity. Like, if you're the best version of yourself for other people, you still feel good because the reaction that you get from those other people is a positive one, and that's gonna make you feel good. So there's there's never something that's inherently selfless or inherently selfish. It's the reciprocity of both of those things playing out.
James Glover [00:39:23]:
But what I hear you saying is I need to own some stuff and control some stuff for me that enables that to happen.
Yasmin Neves [00:39:32]:
Yeah. And to and and to keep that there because if we have to talk about, energy and vibration and all our cells in our body, like, love is is a really high frequency. And if we're consuming, some foods or information or TV or people, that's gonna lower it. And that means that we're it's gonna be harder to access. So things for me that are really important are meditation, and doing certain meditations where you generate those feelings and those emotions within you on your own because we can. We have we have access to it rather than getting those stimulus from people or events outside of us. And when we can do that, we're kind of the master of our feelings, our destiny, and that's when the magic really happens. I went on a retreat, a a meditation retreat a couple of years ago for for a full week.
Yasmin Neves [00:40:30]:
And I remember one of the meditations that we did was probably the the the unconditional love that I felt in that moment was I can't put it into words. I will I will never be able to describe it. I remember coming out of my meditation being like, oh my gosh. Like, that was amazing. May maybe that is the meaning of life. Just just that that feeling, that emotion. And so many of us have never really felt that, but it takes a certain state to get to it. I can't remember where I was going with that.
James Glover [00:41:03]:
Yeah. I know. And, it meant like, again, just makes, like, perfect sense that you talk about holding on to that kind of state because of what it allows you to access. And so, you know, for you, meditation is a vehicle into being able to access that because of the state that it kinda creates. I guess what I'm really curious of, if you take yourself back to the the pendulum having swung, well and maybe either end maybe either end of the pendulum scale. You now speaking to you at those two points. Would the messages be different? Would the messages be the same? And how do you think you would hear them? Because, you know, the the reality is that there are people in both of those states out there who who, you know, to your point, it might feel unimaginable to be where you are now. So if you take yourself back to those places, what do you think might have penetrated or could penetrate those 2 people? Because you're all the same person.
James Glover [00:42:05]:
Right? So you've been on the journey, but what might what might have penetrated? What might the message be?
Yasmin Neves [00:42:12]:
The message that I've kind of always had in my life in different points of crisis is everything's gonna be okay, And it's as simple as that. There's there's there's no no more or no less. Just that certainty knowing that whatever you're going through, no matter what you're feeling, emotions are temporary. They're supposed to move for our body. We're supposed to feel them, push back on them. The problem is when they get stuck or suppressed, and that's what we tend to do in our lives. But in any single moment, just knowing that, you know, everything's gonna be okay. And if it's not right now, that's okay.
Yasmin Neves [00:42:47]:
It's just not the end. You haven't quite got there yet, but it's gonna be okay. And I think that is such for me, that is such a nice message because no matter where you are, you can interpret it and take it for what you need to in that moment. It's quite high level. You can take from it what you need. And I know whatever message I deliver to the both versions of Yaz, she will take from it what she needs in those moments and there'll be different things, and that's okay too. So for me, just the constant reminder and I tell myself this all the time. Like, everything's gonna be okay.
Yasmin Neves [00:43:20]:
It's it's it's all good. We've been taken care of. You you you got this.
James Glover [00:43:26]:
And so what are you taking from that for yourself right now?
Yasmin Neves [00:43:31]:
Good question. I'm still very much on the journey, and I know I've got so much more to learn. I've got so much more work to do. It's a continuous cycle. And I'm very fortunate where I'm at a point in my life where, yes, there are days and elements and moments of stress where I go back into that control freak. And I'm like, oh, I need to know exactly what I'm doing and what's all this for. And a couple of years ago, I was very much like like, I I really need to know what what's my purpose? What am I doing this for? I need a bigger impact. And very much my ego was in drive of wanting more, more, more, more, more.
Yasmin Neves [00:44:11]:
I'm at a point now where I pretty much when I'm awake, I'm conscious, I'm in flow, I'm I'm a really good version of me. I do completely trust. I have completely let go, and I'm just allowing things to unfold as they should be. And I've got a really, you know, my my I'm I'm on a HR business, so I'm constantly dealing with people. And quite often, it's very emotional. It's very charged. You you you dealing with quite difficult situations. And in those moments, I know if I remind myself that everything's gonna be okay, that same message, it's all part of a plan.
Yasmin Neves [00:44:54]:
It's all part of the bigger picture. It's kind of just take me on the journey where I need to go. That helps grind me. That helps me on that pendulum to keep me centered and balanced because my life now in all aspects is all about balance, whether it's stress, whether it's the food I eat, whether it's socializing. It's always trying to maintain that balance because I'm very good at going either way. I don't even know if we have to do that. I might have gone off the tangent.
James Glover [00:45:19]:
Yeah. No. I I what I'm hearing, Yaz, that that, I guess, kind of penetrates to my heart a little is the the kind of the willingness to just trust and to kind of to be in the moment. I think, I've said this before numerous times on this podcast that, like, I really I really enjoy. I really believe in the idea of leaps of faith. And, and I and so I'm really interested in what enables people to take leaps of faith. And, it's an emotional conviction of, that creates a willingness to embrace uncertainty. And, and I just hear you talking about having those conversations with my previous selves.
James Glover [00:46:08]:
I just I know I would have taken what I needed to hear in that moment. And so there's almost a trust in you now that I will take what I need to hear in this moment and that, the work isn't done, but that I can go into tomorrow not really knowing what is to come, but trusting that I will take what I need.
Yasmin Neves [00:46:26]:
Mhmm. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I you you just mentioned then, like, about being present. Like, we are so distracted from actually just sitting with ourselves and being present. We were thinking about, you know, the emails we've gotta do once I finish this podcast, or we're thinking about somebody said something yesterday. Was that the right thing? And it's about catching our thoughts and catching ourselves. And, you know, we are gonna do that.
Yasmin Neves [00:46:51]:
We are gonna go away with ourselves and think all all these different things. But it's those moments when we suddenly go, hang on a minute. I've I've got sidetracked in a fort again, and bring yourself back. That those are the when the wins come in. That's when you start kind of rewiring your brain if you go back to neuroscience. And me, that's the game of life now is how often can I catch myself and how often can I bring myself back? It's getting quicker.
James Glover [00:47:16]:
Oh, so listen. I think that feels like a full circle moment to me, Yaz, where, you know, we start at the right at the beginning with the first words that you'd ever spoken, which is, what's it all about then? And we're kinda getting to the point now, which is balance. That's what it's all about. It's all about balance. So I love the fact that in the in the in the process of a conversation, we can, we can actually answer the question of your 3 year old self.
Yasmin Neves [00:47:45]:
Finally, it's taken all these years. If you move this, we move the weight.
James Glover [00:47:53]:
Brilliant. Listen, thank you so much for being with us on the excitable soul today. Like, what what a journey, what a conversation. I love that we've gone from, like, the neuroscience to intuition, to soulful balance, to meditation, and ultimately, all in the service of the wisdom of your 3 year old self. And so, yeah, thank you for being with us.
Yasmin Neves [00:48:14]:
Thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure.
James Glover [00:48:17]:
Massive thank you for taking the time to listen to the excitable soul podcast. If you are interested in uncovering, understanding, and unleashing your sense of purpose, come and explore our purpose immersion programs at the excitablesoul.com. We look forward to hearing from you there or being with you on our next episode. Have an incredible day.