Episode #11: Alex Richards

Adventures in Purpose: Navigating Balance and Responsibility

Episode 11 of The Excitable Soul Podcast, where we explore the journey of discovering purpose and meaning through real-life experiences.

In this episode, our guest, Alex Richards, shares a powerful story of self-discovery and transformation.

A former criminal psychologist turned successful technology professional, and soon-to-be father, Alex reflects on a pivotal moment six months ago that challenged his understanding of purpose.

Join us as we delve into his journey of unraveling his sense of purpose, balancing responsibility and adventure, and finding focus amidst a whirlwind of life-changing events.

Alex shares his insights on taking control, nurturing relationships, and the impact of his upcoming fatherhood on his evolving sense of purpose. Listen in as we explore the profound impact of finding purpose in everyday life in this episode of The Excitable Soul Podcast.

Read the transcript here

James Glover [00:00:09]:

Alrighty. Welcome to the Excitable Soul podcast. Here, we are interested in all things purpose. We want to know where and how people find Meaning and connection in their lives. In every episode, we're gonna be hearing the real life stories of how people have uncovered, understood, and unleashed their own unique Tense of purpose. Our hope is that we can all learn from the stories and the journeys of our guests so that we can better find the sense of purpose in our own lives. I'm host, James Glover, performance coach and purpose nerd. I'm incredibly excited to be exploring these stories with you.

James Glover [00:00:44]:

So let's get going, shall we? So my guest today is Alex Richards. Despite qualifying as a criminal psychologist many years ago, Alex Accidentally forged himself a successful career in the world of technology. He's worked for some of the UK's biggest brands across retail, financial services, energy, and manufacturing and was appointed one of the youngest chief information officers in the history of the FTSE 250 back in 2022. He was recognized as a global top 100 retail technology influencer in 2021, and he's about to become a father for the first time. This is a truly authentic and relatable purpose conversation. Alex's lived experiences of working with purpose for just the last 6 months Demonstrate the power of this deeply human experience. I really hope you enjoy it. Alex, welcome to the Exilevel Soul podcast.

James Glover [00:01:43]:

How are you doing today? My friend?

Alex Richards [00:01:44]:

Yep. Excited to talk to you, James, as always. Yeah. Thank you very much for inviting me on looking forward to getting into some deep stuff.

James Glover [00:01:51]:

Brilliant. Brilliant. I, for those of us that are joining on, the podcast rather than watching us through YouTube, talk to me about the Boba Fett This in the background here. It's like all the authentic tint in in the in the helmet and everything.

Alex Richards [00:02:04]:

Yeah. It has. Yes. It's it's amazing, the people I say, I'm on calls with who say you've got welder's mask sat behind you. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's during during COVID, right, you know, people everyone's stuck at home. And, the company I was working for at the time, we all made an effort to have at least something exciting in the background.

Alex Richards [00:02:21]:

So over my left shoulder, I've got a replica of Boba Fett's, It's a helmet. I have my right shoulder. I've got a signed Leicester Tigers jersey from the 2022 season. Yeah. I mean, great conversation in the stars. Right? But, yeah, it does look a little bit like a welding mask if you're not a Star Wars fan.

James Glover [00:02:37]:

If you do, though. Yeah. I'm I'm kind of in a spare room at my mom's house because, because we we've got some work going on at ours, which actually used to be my bedroom, and there's kind of a sense of relief for me that, know, the teenage posters aren't still on the walls these days.

Alex Richards [00:02:52]:

You come full circle back into your teenage bedroom. Yeah.

James Glover [00:02:55]:

I love that. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Mate, there's definitely meaning and purpose in that. Maybe we can explore that as we go on. So, yeah, welcome. Welcome.

James Glover [00:03:03]:

Welcome. Welcome. And, Yeah. We we always try to kinda create a bit of a structure around the conversation when we're talking about, when we're talking about purpose. It's one of those it's one of those words. It's one of those things, one of those concepts where, you know, you say the word and people have some kind of idea of it. But, actually, when you kinda get onto their skin a little bit, It can become quite difficult to wrestle with. And one of the wonderful things about all of the guests that have come onto the to the show so far is they've just brought A really unique perspective to the way in which they've kind of uncovered a sense of purpose, the way they've brought a level of understanding to it, and then been able to to unleash it in their in their world.

James Glover [00:03:44]:

So, yeah, excited to to kinda go on that journey with you a bit today. And so, yeah, let's start let's start at the start. This whole this whole principle and process of being able to uncover a sense of purpose. Like, What what brought you on the purpose journey? How did you even kinda start to think about this is something I need to to focus on?

Alex Richards [00:04:03]:

So about it's 6 months ago, I had a moment where I sat in the office at work and I just had this this weight fall on me. Multiple factors in my life that, you know, weren't necessarily going to plan or as I expected. And I just had a moment where I sat there, where I thought, what am I doing with my life? That's that's not a, it wasn't a negative feeling necessarily, but it was just a feeling that there was a question there that I really needed to explore because there were so many facets at that point in time in my life, which We just weren't going to plan. My wife and I had been trying for a baby for for about a year by this point. We'd been through, you know, a whole manner of fertility tests. All the results were fine. Everything was was was absolutely as expected. And for us both, it's a really difficult time, this You know, the purity in that that that one job as a human to reproduce that we're both struggling to to get our heads around, you know.

Alex Richards [00:04:54]:

So, that was that was kind of added a little weight to me, the fact that we hadn't got ahead with that. I'd moved the company the previous year. I'd moved from a super fast paced Retail industry with really big budgets for projects, really exciting technology, into a business that was a little bit behind the curve from a digital perspective. That in its own right, just a slower pace, less money maybe to play with for projects. There are elements of the things that I'd found exciting in jobs weren't necessarily there in the same volume in my new job. And, you know, as pathetic as this sounds in comparison to the other 2 things, I'd recently retired from playing rugby. So, Alex, the rugby player, was no more. You know, this this core part of my my personality and, you know, a big part of my life.

Alex Richards [00:05:42]:

I stopped playing rugby just because my my knees are knackered and, you know, my body can't cope with it anymore. But This whole collection of things just all landed on me in one moment. So, yeah. I've, I see a personal trainer once a week who's mainly been focused on trying to keep my body together during, you know, the last 20 years of rugby or whatever it's been. I I sat with him and just said the weekend after this this moment, what am I doing with my life? I don't know what I wanna do when I grow up. You know? What I I just I'm really struggling with this this sense of dissonance The way my life is at the minute just doesn't feel right, and I don't understand the reasons why. That's really what triggered this This purpose journey and trying to really get into that. I think, you know, James, we've discussed this multiple times before.

Alex Richards [00:06:25]:

My purpose has always been there. It's always been the same thing. I just needed to uncover what that purpose is. It's not that there's a new purpose that I've applied to myself here. These are key drivers that have always been there, literally from As far back as I can remember, and moving to a position where I can actually start to put words around purpose has just been truly life changing for me. So over the last 6 months working through this journey, trying to understand the things that are important to me, what my key drivers are, being in a situation where If I feel under stress or I feel like things aren't going right, to be able to look back at this and what is a a list of sentences that outline what my purpose is, It really helps give me balance.

James Glover [00:07:05]:

Yeah. Amazing. And and, it's really interesting just to to picking up on some of the language that you're using there, Alex. When you describe Kind of this moment from a career perspective, this moment from a relationship perspective, and then this moment just from a personal kind of identity perspective. And you said, Sounds a bit pathetic in regard, the other 2. But even even that, you know, you have a sense of identity tied up in having played and been a part of this sport for such a a long period of time. And so there's nothing nothing pathetic in going, Wow. I've just I've made a choice to step away from that, which felt like the right decision, but it's left a gap, and I don't know what sits in that gap.

James Glover [00:07:46]:

At the same time is going, got a really big job, and, there's, you know, kind of big shift, big opportunity, but there's a huge amount of uncertainty there and then this just fundamental human experience of wanting to become a father and the kind of the investment in The relationship that you hold. What was it what was kind of the the the trigger? You talked about, like, these these 3 things all coming together. Like, what was the experience where you just went, holy. Something's not right here. I need to do something about it. Because That, I think, for for people listening, could be really interesting in just creating a level of awareness and connection to I need to try and figure something else out here.

Alex Richards [00:08:29]:

Yeah. And and I think it was it was a mixture of these things on one day. So this this particular day, the we paid for a really specific fertility test for both of us. The results came back absolutely fine. So that landed in on that day. I had a text message. I'm still part of the the rugby WhatsApp group. Text message came through confirming the team for the weekend.

Alex Richards [00:08:49]:

I obviously wasn't on the list. That was probably one of the first times that I could have played that I wasn't playing. At work, I think we're heading through a budget cycle at work, maybe. How the year was panning out wasn't necessarily how I'd expected it was going to be. These are all external factors, but again, hitting it once. This sense of, you know, I don't feel right in the moment. I don't feel like I'm connecting with all these things around me. There's almost a sense of grief, I guess, from stopping playing rugby.

Alex Richards [00:09:17]:

It's been such a big part of my life. What does the future hold? That's exactly in the moment. What does the future hold for me? What's next? What is going to fill me back up with this energy that, you know, I've got from all these aspects of my life that might be starting to wane a little bit now? So, yeah, a combination of those things, I guess. But, You know, I think I can remember the moment. It feels I don't know what the opposite of an epiphany is. But, you know, Rather than having that moment where you think, Right, everything's suddenly clear, I get it. It was the opposite. It was, Everything's really murky.

Alex Richards [00:09:50]:

That just hit me in the moment. Everything's murky. These things just don't add up. I can't make sense of the situation I'm in. It's really difficult for me to kind of see the light. It's probably quite a low point. For me as a person, I'm genuinely quite positive, generally proactive. I'm very action driven.

Alex Richards [00:10:06]:

And to be stuck in the moment of I don't know what to do next, I don't know what I can do to fix this situation, you know, felt felt, It's just really, really difficult moment to be in.

James Glover [00:10:17]:

Yeah. And, you know what is really wonderful here? It's just the kind of the relatability of the language that you're using in terms of just this moment that felt murky. You know, and we talk a lot on this podcast about What purpose is, and the the kind of the simplest way is just thinking it is a feeling. You you feel purpose. And that when you feel connected to the things that really matter to you, you experience it emotionally. It creates that kind of sense of conviction. So the absence of it, You know, to your point, I haven't had this kind of epiphanal moment of, ah, clarity. Let's go.

James Glover [00:10:51]:

It's actually, this is what uncertainty feels like. It feels murky. It feels like there is this kind of questions everywhere of what, how, where, when, what does all of this look like, And I and a sense of, I guess, how do I move forward? What what do I do with this? Like, where do I go from this point?

Alex Richards [00:11:13]:

Yeah. I think, you know, as a person at work, at home, I've always got the next action lined up. So, there's definitely comfort for me in in doing and moving forward and, you know, just in that moment, not really knowing what the next step I should take is. And, you know, all these things in isolation, I don't think probably would have Knocked me as hard as they did. But just a combination of these these few really big things hitting me at once. I think that, you know, was I'm not saying it knocked me over the edge because, you know, I wasn't at that point, for sure. But it made me feel like I needed to spend more time Introspectively, you know, thinking about me, thinking about my place in the world, thinking about, the impacts I could have on on all these things around me, and other decisions I need to make in order to change the outcomes maybe that was facing.

James Glover [00:11:59]:

Yeah. Massive. And one of the things I really love about doing this podcast is The magic is in the guests and their kind of experiences and the way in which they are kind of on on a journey of purpose and trying to understand it. And you said right at the very beginning, Like, this was 6 months ago. So this is live, man. This is, like, real for you. Like, this isn't a I've been doing this for 20 years, and here's my kind of My my learnings, my reflections, and my wisdom to be able to create it's this is the struggle that I'm in and and continuing to make progress against. And so I think what would be really wonderful is if you could just you could just talk to us about the kind of the experience of uncovering, this kind of sense of purpose and the The you know, these these meaning markers that that you've been able to to grab hold of that kind of feel true.

James Glover [00:12:46]:

They've always been there, and now I can see them and hold on to them. So just give us a sense of what are some of those, and, you know, how did they emerge for you?

Alex Richards [00:12:55]:

Yeah. And it's probably worth pointing out, right, you know, I've made a career in in IT, but I actually qualified originally as a a criminal psychologist. So, it's a pretty big jump from, you know, the world of psychology, which ultimately at the time was a pathetic, active teenage rebellion against my mum. It was really keen that I was going to be a lawyer or a doctor or something else, you know, super professional. But for me to do a degree is something that I really enjoyed. I'm looking forward to learning about, Into IT. So, I think through through my studies, I am really reflective. One thing I think I'm very good at from an emotional intelligence perspective I understand my impact on the world around me.

Alex Richards [00:13:34]:

Again, for your audio listeners, James, I'm quite softly spoken, but I'm a big guy. I'm 6 foot 5, 19 stone. Probably, if you just listen to my voice without seeing the picture, you know, when I see people at work, I've only spoke to on the phone. They always go, oh, can't you, you know, man mountain.

James Glover [00:13:48]:

Yeah. But for those people, it looks like a freaking Viking. It could've it could've been Hayden.

Alex Richards [00:13:52]:

Not like a feral lumberjack today, I think. So, yes, I'm conscious of the fact that, you know, being in a leadership position for the last kind of 10, 12 years, whatever it's been, I'm a big guy, and that can be quite domineering. So if I'm in a meeting where there's conflict or this negotiation happening. I'm really, really reflective on my impact, both physically, the way I present myself, the way I can be quite abrupt and quite blunt. I'm very, very acutely aware of that. Through my studies, that reflection on me was really, really important, but I never went to the depth of purpose. So very, very conscious of of my characteristics and how I work the best with people and how I bring the best out in other people. That's part of my career that I've absolutely loved and kept through from the psychology days through to the technology days.

Alex Richards [00:14:37]:

But the why is the bit that's been missing. That's the bit that I spent the to work it through. Again, this felt like a journey. I wasn't equipped to go on by myself. So, working with a purpose coach, which is one of these roles you don't really know exists, right, until you start looking for it and you start getting that support. But everything starts really with, for for me at least, the conversations to unlock what the important things in my life are and what is my why I started looking back at, you know, early years. So, you know, part of the origin story, really understanding key events as a kid growing up that have really had formative impacts on me as a person. I focus on those individuals, those people in my life at the time that, you know, have adopted their values or a version of their values.

Alex Richards [00:15:24]:

So I guess, you know, exploring some of that, and I guess we could talk some of that because, you know, it's really, really important. But but my hero is my

James Glover [00:15:29]:

Who are the 1 who are the 1 or 2, you know, that you that are immediately front of mind?

Alex Richards [00:15:33]:

So my mum my mum's my hero. She's still my hero. She passed away in 2013 from, lung and breast cancer. But she was my hero, right? She's my hero. So we grew up in, in a a council estate in Nottingham, single parent family. Her and my dad split up when when I was about 4 or 5. They were both really young when they had me. I think my dad was 21 when I was born.

Alex Richards [00:15:55]:

And, you know, I can't imagine. I'm I'm scared about having a baby now. Never mind having a baby back when I was 20 He just wasn't he wasn't ready for that at that point in his life. So me and mum from the age of 5 or 6, whatever, 4 or 5, We spent 10, 12 years just me and her. And she had a tough upbringing. She was at grammar school when she was younger. The grammar school closed down, and she ended up being dropped into a pretty rough school in The Meadows and got bullied, I think, for most of the time at school for being, you know, the girl from the grammar school. She left home quite early and, you know, kind of 15, 16, moved into a bed set and started sweeping floors in a hairdressing salon locally.

Alex Richards [00:16:34]:

And she worked her way all the way through from learning to be a hairdresser to then teaching other people to be a hairdresser, to then taking a leadership role in the college she used to teach at. And, you know, Through all of this, her her conviction was that she wanted a better life for me than she'd had. So she had this huge sense of responsibility for my future, not just for me as a child, but for what the future would hold for me. And she put an awful lot of pressure on me to succeed and do well and try hard and All the aspects that she saw would make me more successful. But ultimately, as an individual, she was the most caring human I've ever met. She was strict. But, you know, when my friends came over, she treated them like they were her own kids. She always had soft spots for the kids that maybe came from poorer or rougher families than than we were.

Alex Richards [00:17:18]:

And, you know, there'd be plenty of times I'd have friends come over to stay in winter who didn't have a winter coat, and they'd leave with one of my winter coats. And my mum would give them, you know? So, yeah, as as an individual, she she played a real, really important part in in life for me and just in shaping me and and what's important to me. And her value set, really, that that sense of what they needed, that everybody stayed in contact. And, you know, she was a real catalyst for encouraging communication across the family and and not letting people drift part. So, you know, it was really important, but she's what is numerous.

James Glover [00:17:57]:

And what the so when you talk about, the kind of the significance that she's had in shaping you, like, it's You know, you can it you can feel it in the way that you talk because of the, I guess, the closeness and the significance of that relationship. I'm wondering how, those you now embody those experiences. What are the the bits of that that you've kind of taken on, especially since, you know, she passed 10 years 10 years ago?

Alex Richards [00:18:23]:

So, there's a couple of big events which I hop back on, and that's, you know, been really formative for me. So, I remember when my mum and dad split up and I'd have been a young kid, My granddad pulling me to one side and saying, you're the man of the house now, you've got to look after your mum. So, the same way that mum was really caring and responsible for me for even for a really young age, I've mirrored that back to her and felt a sense of responsibility for her. And, you know, as a matter of fact, he's a kid trying to look after his own mum, you know. But that That aspect of my personality that developed then, I mean, that's me now. I've got such an acute sense of responsibility for those around me. And I don't just mean my family. I mean, my at work, the people I work closely with, my friendship group.

Alex Richards [00:19:01]:

You know, I feel like I feel like I could get, You know, unofficial therapists or a lot of my friendship group will come to me when they've got problems in life, and they just need somebody to bounce ideas off. So that sense of Care and responsibility and putting others' needs ahead of mind a lot of the time, actually. That's been really pervasive for me and obviously forms a real part of my purposes. Know this is a selfish element to a a a positive aspect. I get a real sense of satisfaction from looking after those people that are close to me. So that's that's been really, really key to this.

James Glover [00:19:34]:

And I and I'm really interested in the the kind of the manner of the care as well. Alex, because it's not just, I like to help people. Like and, you know, helping people makes me feel good. That's that's that that doesn't even cut it. That's kind of the superficial perspective on this. When you talk about care, there's a there's a depth to it, and there's a significance to it. And, you know, that coupling of Care and responsibility means that it feels different to the people that you're you're interacting with. And, that in its own right, how do you how do you see that reflected back when when you're when you're in those kind of relationships?

Alex Richards [00:20:14]:

Yeah. From my personal perspective, you know, I think family members and stuff, they really value that element of care. I think I'm probably quite a Solid member of the family that people can rely on for stuff. So there's a real practical bit there. I think from a work perspective, it's probably slightly more interesting, I guess, I tend to have really strong relationships with my team. It's really important that, you know, I really connect with these people on an emotional level, not just a work level. It might probably be quite intense at times. Right? But I think, you know, because I'm aware of this aspect of my personality and I can talk about this When I join a business or when I'm hiring new people in, I can be really clear about, listen, this is me as a person, this is what you can expect from me.

Alex Richards [00:20:53]:

This working relationship is gonna work, this is what I expect from you. And I think people, generally, that that I've worked closely with and worked for as well, this is this is an upwards thing as well as a a downward in terms of work. I think people have a really strong sense of what I need from them and what they need from me and then how we can move forward together. And, you know, I guess a lot, you know, from my team at the minute and in previous companies, I've, you know, massively supported them through some pretty horrific circumstances outside of work. People do feel they can come and have this conversation with me. They can talk about stuff that's not just work related, which is really important to me. I want that sense of connection to the team. I think from an effectiveness perspective, the teams that I've worked with that have had that closeness have always been more effective because you've got each other's backs.

Alex Richards [00:21:38]:

It's not about, That's not in my job description. It's whatever the team needs to do to move the business forward. It's not always been possible. There are some companies I've worked at where People have been very professional, you know, in their words, probably, and they wanted to keep things segregated. They don't wanna share what's happening outside of work, inside work. Yeah. And that's absolutely fine too. You know, it doesn't it doesn't detract away.

Alex Richards [00:21:59]:

But I work best in a circumstance where I've I've really built these strong relationships. And, You know, I think the word I've used before is paternal. That probably might be a little bit misleading, but that's the kind of sense there. I do put myself in that paternal position. I guess, you know, one of my one of my characteristics in there that I'm working on, because that isn't always helpful, I don't wanna fall always into a parent relationship with my own team. So I think staying at the adult to adult level is something I'm really conscious of, but it's in my nature to look after people and, you know, help where I can.

James Glover [00:22:31]:

Yeah. I think this the, you know, the kind of the original question is, well, you know, what have you discovered on on this kind of journey? And I guess there's something that will have Always been there, and some degree of consciousness around it is there. But then being able to see the kind of the The inception, the genesis, the kind of the root cause for why that comes to the fore so strongly for you. I guess you have an even greater level of of awareness and influence now how over how you how you utilize that and where. Because if, you know, if you just play back the fact that it was you and your mom for 12 years, the 2 of you in in a in a really tight relationship. You know, you joke my going to university and doing criminology was an a rebellion against my mom who was, you know, explicit about being a doctor or a lawyer. But and but that came from a position of, I want him to Have more experience, more do more than I was able to do. Yet look at look at what you've kind of embodied.

James Glover [00:23:30]:

It's not about the what. It's not what you do. Actually, it's all about why you do it, and that's come squarely from what she was bringing to you for for all of that time.

Alex Richards [00:23:41]:

It says and and the balance of this, I guess, is the other main string to my purpose here, which is is adventure and is novelty. So there's the the the elements of care and responsibility that are so important to me, and that that sense of responsibility I take for those people around me is stressful. And I do feel like I bear more weight from from some of that responsibility than that is probably healthy sometimes. So the other part of my purpose, which is the balance to that, is Adventure. And I deal with the responsibility. I deal with the, the the weight of things that are happening around me By running off on holiday and exploring and traveling and even daph things. And, again, you know, the the Boba Fett Star Wars helmet behind me, I get that sense of adventure from getting lost in a Star Wars movie or a Star Wars series. You know, there's there's elements in here that I really need to do.

Alex Richards [00:24:28]:

And for me to understand, actually, What might feel like quite a selfish pursuit at times going travelling my wife isn't a massive traveller. She's she's a bit of a home bird. She's quite happy being at home. The need for me to balance that responsibility and the weight that I'm carrying with me by having a holiday, by escaping to do something completely different, by, you know, having an adventure, That has been a revelation. It's made mine and my wife's relationship stronger. You know, some conversations that we've had, which I never would have dreamed of having, I went on holiday by myself Over the summer, just a long weekend. But I was really, again, feeling the stress of, you know, Working for a business in a challenging market where, you know, we're being hit by the economy, with a lot of problems across my team, personal stuff that the guys are working through that I'm supporting them with as well. I just needed to run away for a weekend.

Alex Richards [00:25:18]:

I could sit with my wife and say, well, look, we've talked about this being important to me, this Avenue of balance that I've found in having an adventure, I really need that this weekend or, you know, whenever it was. So for me to be able to explain and articulate in such a way the importance that being able to escape for a long weekend is gonna really help me to bring balance back to Even out some of the sense of responsibility I'm feeling, I wouldn't have had the words to talk that through with her at the time.

James Glover [00:25:43]:

Yeah. And, Again, you know, what's really wonderful here in just the the kind of the expressiveness of your of your language, this concept of balance, how much do we hear about, You know, work, life balance, etcetera, etcetera, as a as a kind of concept and as a principle, and people are wrestling with it everywhere. But what what's incredible here is you're talking about attention, Really? Like, here's this investment this investment of energy that I'm willing to give. But in order to be able to to do that and create a level of sustainability around that. What I also need is this time to be able to not be in it, Not be immersed in it in the same way and be stimulated by something that isn't generated from me. It's See the the nature of the adventure kind of going into the unknown, doing something new, doing something that feels exciting, doing something that you're not solely in in control of or have influence around. It's just it's it's something that you can immerse yourself in in a completely different way. And the beautiful thing about purpose is it's this it's the scaffolding to hold opposites, to hold tension.

Alex Richards [00:26:48]:

A 100%.

James Glover [00:26:48]:

It's okay that both of those things are true at the same time. It doesn't have to be an an either or. And the fact that you've been able to find the language to, Not just convey it to your partner, which I think is the bit that you explicitly expressed there, but also to be able to Create peace within yourself that I need this, and this isn't a selfish endeavor. Actually, this is an act of kindness To me, this is an act of compassion, and this will enable me to be the better version of myself more of the time, and therefore, everybody's gonna benefit because the last we we need is Me over indexing on this and kicking off because I don't have that.

Alex Richards [00:27:28]:

And and the the, you know, the language again is really important, James. So you you've said the way you described that is an act of compassion And self kindness. Before I started exploring this, I I would have classed that as a selfish act. You know? So just having the words and and the The the change in that expression to understand this and, yeah, with those those big factors in. So the big factor around care and responsibility and the big factor around adventure As as two sides of that balance, as you say. As I sit back now and think about that moment 6 months ago where I was sat at my desk in the office with the weight of the world on my shoulders, Rugby was an adventure. Yeah. Coming off a hard week, knowing I've got 80 minutes on a Saturday afternoon I'm going to completely forget about everything, get some physicality on the pitch and forget about whatever had gone off.

Alex Richards [00:28:13]:

That was an element of adventure that I was losing from my life, and I didn't have the words to explain that. So it's not just about a hobby that I'd stop doing. This was an avenue for restoring that balance, knowing that however stressful the week had been, I would completely forget about it for 80 minutes on a Saturday and feel refreshed after that. From the fertility and the the baby perspective, and I will say my wife is pregnant now. So, you know, this is exciting. We've got a baby on the way. So, yeah, That's obviously a sense of relief in its own right. But the sense in the moment, that moment 6 months ago, of sitting there and thinking, I want to help my wife.

Alex Richards [00:28:50]:

I've got a sense of responsibility to try and make this thing happen, and I don't feel I can affect that. So that helplessness in the moment, again, tying that back to purpose. And now I've got the language to talk about it all. I was feeling helpless because of my innate desire to want to help my wife and helped the situation. And, you know, as upset as she was about not falling pregnant during that time as well, despite all the tests being positive, The only thing that could have helped that situation was getting pregnant, right? I could say all the words in the world, be it support was the one, but that was the thing. Again, Feeling at odds with my core purpose and knowing that now that I wasn't able to care and, you know, take that sense of responsibility away from her, That was why I felt that way in the moment. Then the 3rd bit around being in a company that was in a legacy industry from a tech Having worked previously for some pretty high-tech companies, again, there's a novelty, there's an adventure in technology innovation. I just wasn't in that space.

Alex Richards [00:29:45]:

We had really, really important tech projects that we were working on at the time, but these are really foundational systems that we needed to upgrade and change. Previously, I would have been working on cutting edge tech, working with some of the, you know, biggest tech companies in the world to bring things to life. That that element of adventure I've been taken away in the role I was doing at the time.

James Glover [00:30:05]:

Yeah. And I and I love this. You know, we've kind of we've just naturally, I had kind of drifted into this idea of there's a there's there's a piece around uncovering and discovering purpose, which is critical because, as you say, it is there. But then once you found it, it's a case of the the interaction to understand it. And one of the things that I think just Sounds really straightforward. But until you experience it, it's a bit counterintuitive, which is, you know, you're experiencing this tension because of the absence of purpose, simply. And the second that you're able to start to go, well, these are the things that are meaningful to me. Right? These are the things that really matter.

James Glover [00:30:45]:

You know, where and how do I express care? What does this, you know, sense of adventure element look like? And I'm and I'm sure that there are there are kind of more of those for you that that kind of emerged in this work. But when you then are able to go, well, the absence of those has led to this moment of, uncertainty and feeling murky and lost. But, actually, now that I see it, I can not only respectively make sense of that feeling and therefore feel better about it. Alright. Yeah. That's why that happened. Yeah. Okay.

James Glover [00:31:15]:

Cool. But now in the moment, are able to influence Everything from the kind of the the type of relationship or the type of care that you're giving to the type of experiences that you have and you need and where you need them in order to be able to To feel like well, actually, I still don't know what the future holds. Still don't know what that looks like because, you know, we're horrific at predicting the future as human beings, But I'm quite happy to go into it because I have these things.

Alex Richards [00:31:40]:

Absolutely. And, yeah, I start to look back through my life. And again, before this purpose element was there, before I had The words to talk about this. So, I think about criminal psychology. There's a sense of responsibility and care there for helping offenders to come to terms with the things that may have happened in their life, may have affected them psychologically to the extent where they've behaved the way they've behaved. So, it's an innate sense of care and responsibility in wanting to be in that space. But by the same token, you you're talking to some, you know, pretty interesting individuals. There's a sense of of adventure and novelty In discussing circumstances you never would have thought you'd discuss in your life.

Alex Richards [00:32:17]:

And then even going back further, you know, as a kid, You know, being captain of school sports teams and wanting to take the responsibility for the my teammates around me, You know, everything goes back. Right? You can trace all these things back through. There's a a really strong line. And and as I said at the start, James, My purpose has always been the same. It's just over the last 6 months, I've been able to talk about it and and put words around it. Even now, you know, obviously, I'm I'm again, another part of my purpose in here There's an element of control and autonomy that's really, really important to me. And I really feel a sense of struggle if I feel like I'm losing my autonomy. That could be a problem, you know, with with my wife and our relationship and feeling like, you know, just general general relationships, the way they go.

Alex Richards [00:32:59]:

She asks things of me. I ask things of her. If I feel that my autonomy is being trodden on, then I can feel a sense of unease there. I can talk about that now, and that's really helped our relationship. But at work, Clearly, I'm not in control of every decision. I'm not in control of the economy, the market. So there are things, sideswipe, that we have to deal with. But what I've got now is Literally written down on paper, 6 sentences which detail the elements of my purpose that I can read back and say, 'I'm feeling uneasy, really uncomfortable now.

Alex Richards [00:33:28]:

I'm going to check back against my purpose because one of these things or more is being trodden on now, and that's why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. So, just the process that I've been through here, I'm working with my purpose coach. The framework was really good. We aimed originally to get to one purpose statement.

James Glover [00:33:44]:

Yeah.

Alex Richards [00:33:44]:

And that just really didn't work for me because I lost so much of the nuance and the detail that I'd had in the process of getting there. So, actually, where I've landed is I've got 6 statements that, talk about 6 parts of my purpose, and those are the most important 6 sentences that I refer to multiple times through the day.

James Glover [00:34:01]:

Yeah. Love it. Love it. And and the thing that, again, hopefully, creates this sense of kind of derisking or ease For people listening is that there's a huge amount of pressure that can be put on finding the right language, like having this why statement or having This deep clarity of of purpose that's reflected in these words. And if if and when we get there, Brilliant. There's nothing wrong with that because, actually, all that happens is that that phraseology represents all of the things that you're talking. But If you don't get there, that's okay too because what you're describing, these these founding ideals, these meaning markers that have shown up in your life, Having clarity on those, you know that's the that's kind of the bit of the iceberg that sits under the water. Right? So the purpose statement is the pokey bit that sits out, and everybody's Wow.

James Glover [00:34:52]:

That's a really big piece of ice floating around you. Like, no. No. That's a tenth of the reality here, which is the bits that you're describing. They're the bits that sit underneath The the the waterline. And when you have connection to those and you can access those, the bits that sit above the waterline, that's It's kinda just the icing on on the cake, and, you know, who knows? It may come at some point. You may have an epiphany rather than the murky.

Alex Richards [00:35:16]:

Yeah. Exactly.

James Glover [00:35:17]:

And it just comes together. But in the meantime, it doesn't matter because the bit that creates a sense of purpose, the bit that creates the emotional conviction, the bit That creates the faith and belief in what's possible is the bit that you have visibility over.

Alex Richards [00:35:30]:

Yeah. And and is actively Changing the decisions I'm making day to day now. So, Ross, in the background, like I said, this thing has always been there. Really subconsciously, These core elements of my personality and purpose have been influencing my decision making. The fact that I've surfaced then now means I get to that point a lot faster. So where, you know, a big event might happen, it might take me a day or 2 to get my head around it all. I've really shortened that lead time down now from something big happening and me feeling uneasy about it. Within the hour, I kind of checked back against my purpose statements, understood where that that dissonance baby is is showing up, and then either accept it and accept it's outside of my control, but at least I understand that feeling now, or actively move to balance that out.

Alex Richards [00:36:13]:

And, you know, this this might be the sense of, you know, I've had a crap day. Something bad's gone wrong at work or something, and I'm, you know, I'm feeling the loss of autonomy or or loss of control or, you know, what what whatever aspect it might be. Those are the days I might go to the cinema, or I go to the gym, or I get, you know, just chase that little bit of adventure. I don't necessarily need to run away on holiday every time something bad happens. That's not what I'm saying here. But to to just be able to react and and really help to regulate things and bring things back down to a level that I'm comfortable with again. And it's part of the human experience. Right?

James Glover [00:36:43]:

We're we're here massively massively, and I think this is, again, really wonderful in in what you're able to share here of the kind of the The the the reality of what you've experienced over the course of the last 6 months is that, again, purpose can feel overwhelming sometimes for people. It can feel like has to be this massive game changing thing, and sometimes it is. But it can also be, I need to get lost in a Star Wars movie for a few hours. That can that can feel as purposeful, as meaningful as anything else. That's the wonder of it is when you Create that level of awareness and interaction. You can access it in so many different places in so many different ways. I guess what I'm interested in now a little bit, Alex, is when you look forward, you know, now now that that you kind of have a sense of connection to these things and, You know, you're looking forward to to to becoming a father and to kind of starting and entering into a new a new chapter. How do you feel that what you now understand and you now see is gonna serve you in in in in that respect?

Alex Richards [00:37:45]:

And I think, you know, particularly so we've got a little boy on the way. Particularly with that in mind, are my is my purpose gonna stay exactly the same? Or are things gonna start to evolve Once my life fundamentally changes, I think I'm only gonna know when I get there. So, I'm spending time thinking about this because, you know, it's really important to me that, My son has the the space and the time and the support to do what he wants to do and live the life that he wants to live. And, You know, the the balance here is that my mum wanted that for me, but she felt she was in a really strong position to guide me and and answer some of the questions that I might have had to help me get there. So, my balance is gonna be how I take very similar steps to the ones that my mum did with me in really helping to guide, being strict, being supportive, being loving, but Pushing and expecting from from from the boy without going too far. You know, I don't want to be a a complete I'm a parent. My mom wasn't domineering. She was really strict.

Alex Richards [00:38:44]:

I never would have said she's domineering. I don't want to be a domineering parent that decides the the, you know, every path that my my son's gonna take. So, really, really conscious of that and how that manifests. But in its own right, it's going to be an adventure. This is Unlike anything that's ever happened before in my life, this is our 1st child. You know, and, obviously, I'm super excited about about what the future holds. The sense of care, sense of responsibility for my wife is going to be a fundamental change to her body through the process here. I'm going to do my best to support her through that as much as I can.

Alex Richards [00:39:16]:

You know, just the what's life going to look like. Life is going to change completely. Everyone's desperate you the horror stories of how difficult it is having a baby. And, you know, you're in the trenches for 12 weeks. And at the start, trying to get through as much sleep as you possibly can and, you know, try and Not let your baby die ultimately. That's the goal, right, in the 1st 12 weeks. So but I think get I'm heading into it with an element of excitement. Rather than nervousness, it's excitement.

Alex Richards [00:39:39]:

And, you know, I'm sure there's gonna be some crap times where we're surviving on 45 minutes sleep in a 24 hour period, etcetera.

James Glover [00:39:46]:

But you will survive. That's the most important thing. You will survive.

Alex Richards [00:39:50]:

And, yeah, it's it's it's flippant probably to say, but, yeah, billion literally billions of people have had kids and cope with it in much worse circumstances than we're in. So sure we'll be fine. But, yeah, my, you know, my wife and I probably I don't know. I was gonna say probably we're a bit older than normal. I don't know what the average age for parenting is now. But, yeah, I think, you know, as we get towards our Thirties, it's, it's gonna be a little bit harder maybe just because we are gonna be more tired, and my body is knackered from all these years of rugby. So that's gonna be slightly more difficult, I guess. Yeah.

Alex Richards [00:40:16]:

So I think that as a as a balance, as a bit of a yardstick that I can continue to measure, I will keep focusing on my purpose during this time because I think there probably is high chance things might change. My perspectives might change. What's important to me will change. You know, I think maybe how much of myself I pour into work might change. And, you know, so and you referenced, James, earlier on kind of work life balance. Right? I've I've been I've spoken at a couple of conferences about this. I Completely worked my nuts off during my twenties. My work life balance was completely wrong.

Alex Richards [00:40:48]:

I was working 60, 70 hours a week most of the time during my twenties, And I wouldn't be where I am now unless I'd done that. This isn't me advocating that people need to completely forget everything else in their life and go for that. But I'm a I'm a very, very big believer in Hard work during that period has led to me being where I am now. But is that balance gonna change even further now as I head into fatherhood? Am I gonna want to be in the office as much as I have been or be working as long hours as I have been when, you know, I've got someone at home that is I'm gonna be desperate to spend time with and see and watch grow and all this other stuff. So I don't know. And, you know, it's, it's exciting seeing what that holds and and how things are gonna balance out.

James Glover [00:41:27]:

Yeah. And, again, I'm just listening to you to you speak, and you just kind of referenced control, care, and adventure In in all of in all of that, this sense of, you know, the kind you talked about kind of being domineering or not. Like, there's an element of Of control. What does that control look like? But, you know, care for your wife through this journey and then care for the little one, 1st 12 weeks. You know, what's that going to look like? But then this just all wrapped into this sense of adventure. It's something new that's never happened before. What might be possible in in all of that? And I guess that's one of the reassuring things about, purpose is that, it creates focus. So, you know, the The the we we just touched upon this, you know, the kind of the need for language that kind of represents the apex or the the bit that's above the water.

James Glover [00:42:13]:

And for me, that's the bit that evolves Because, actually, the bits that are underneath the waterline are true and have always been true, and they will continue to be true is how you express them, how they give focus, where you wanna put the focus. So this concept of balance and work life balance is, well, I chose to focus in those areas in that moment. That's just that's the outside of the of the curve, what I do. Now being a parent is 1 role you hold. Being a leader is 1 role you hold. Being a partner is 1 role you hold. Those are Those are where where where where people will feel purpose from us, where and how we direct it. So, you know, the the the opportunity here is, of course, it'll change.

James Glover [00:42:53]:

You know, you're taking on a whole new role, and where and how you want to invest your energy and where your purpose comes to life in those moments and how you express it, that's the bit to figure out. Right?

Alex Richards [00:43:03]:

100%. And I think if you'd if we'd have had this conversation 5 years ago before I'd been through this journey of uncovering the purpose, I would have said the same I probably would have spoken about this the same way Yeah. And not connected the fact that, actually, I'm taught these these words are so intrinsic to me. They are part of my core purpose. Would have completely missed that because I don't know. I wasn't ready to to sit and think about things as deeply as that maybe.

James Glover [00:43:27]:

Yeah. Love it. Yeah.

Alex Richards [00:43:28]:

Still the same.

James Glover [00:43:29]:

Love it. You know what, my friend? I think this is a really great moment for us to kinda pause this conversation because I think you've just you've just been able to share with just Such clarity, this this kind of experience over the course of what has only been 6 months and the impact that that has. How do you can feel it In the way that you talk about the sense that you're able to make about the the excitement about what's to come, the ability to wrestle with tension in the moment because you You can see things in a way that you couldn't see before, and nothing but unbridled excitement for me and, hopefully, everybody that's listening about the adventure that you're going on. Everybody can tell you a horror story. Everybody can. That's just kinda human nature. But, to the start for for me and what I can hear is it just feels like Probably the biggest adventure that you have been on to date. So,

Alex Richards [00:44:18]:

nothing but

James Glover [00:44:19]:

excitement to come, I'm sure.

Alex Richards [00:44:21]:

Yeah. Excellent. Thank you.

James Glover [00:44:23]:

Thanks for being with us, my man. No.

Alex Richards [00:44:24]:

It's been an absolute pleasure. Thanks, James.

James Glover [00:44:26]:

Alright. Take care. Massive thank you for taking the time to listen to the excitable Soul podcast. If you are interested in uncovering, understanding, and unleashing your sense of purpose, Come and explore our purpose immersion programs at the excitable soul.com. We look forward to hearing from you there or being with you on our next have an incredible day.