Episode #8: Nigel Thomas
A Purposeful Life: Reflections of Love, Family and Service from former member of the SAS!
In this episode, we uncover the inspiring journey of Nigel Thomas, a man whose life has been shaped by purpose, hard work, and the pursuit of meaning. From caring for his mother with multiple sclerosis to winning the Royal Welsh Show in butchery and serving in the military, Nigel has faced numerous challenges, all of which have led him to a profound understanding of emotions, personal growth, and the importance of aligning actions with values.
In my conversation with Nigel, we delve into the significance of simplicity, love, vulnerability, and connection in shaping our lives. Nigel shares personal insights about navigating emotions, the power of vulnerability in relationships, and the importance of living by one's values. His courageous journey from a place of self-doubt to embracing patience and simplicity offers inspiration for any individual seeking to uncover their purpose.
Nigel's experiences also shed light on the impact of childhood experiences, personal challenges, and the value of small daily achievements in shaping mindset and trajectory. His journey serves as a powerful reminder of the potential within each of us to align actions with values, make positive changes, and find fulfilment.
We invite you to join us on this enriching exploration as we uncover the transformative potential within each of us and strive to unleash our true purpose.
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This is a story of resilience, vulnerability, love and the power of finding purpose in life.
Read the transcript here
James Glover [00:00:09]:
Alrighty. Welcome to the excitable soul podcast. Here, we are interested in all things purpose. We want to know where and how people find Meaning and connection in their lives. In every episode, we're gonna be hearing the real life stories of how people have uncovered, understood, and unleashed their own unique Sense of purpose. Our hope is that we can all learn from the stories and the journeys of our guests so that we can better find the sense of purpose in our own lives. I'm host, James Glover, performance coach and purpose nerd. I'm incredibly excited to be exploring these stories with you.
James Glover [00:00:44]:
So let's get going, shall we? Today's guest is Nigel Thomas. Nigel began his young life caring for his mother who had multiple sclerosis. This had a significant impact on his education and schooling. At the age of 15, he managed to persuade a local butcher to give him a job, and from there went on to win the Royal Welsh Show for Butchery. He later joined the Royal Marines and volunteered for the special forces and successfully passed selection. His military career was cut short due to a number of injuries, And he left the special forces by his own choosing. Nigel set up the Blue Mountain Group, which has taken him and his team to all parts of the world Working for celebrities, high net worth families, governments, and corporate clients, Nigel works hard on supporting various charities and mentors serving and Former serving military personnel who at times become a little lost on their life journey. Nigel is happiest helping others I'm passing on life skills that he has learned over the last 60 years.
James Glover [00:01:53]:
Prepare for a truly inspirational conversation. Nigel, welcome to the Excitable Soul podcast. Amazing to to have you with us today. We were introduced by a a mutual friend, Anna Lee Howling, who, who's a previous guest on the podcast, and an absolute force of nature. Right?
Nigel Thomas [00:02:16]:
Oh, yeah. Very much so. Very much so. Full of energy and, yeah, and a great individual. Yeah. She's a great Yeah. Known known her for some I'm now, and, she's a great inspiration to one of the charities that I'm a I'm a trustee of, Ira.
James Glover [00:02:31]:
Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. Maybe maybe we'll kind of come back round to, to that to that charity. But, you know, we've got so much to to explore in this conversation. You know? You're just saying to me, early on, I've got 60 years of life, and there's bits and pieces to dip into all over the place. So, I've got to be on my, on my best hosting behavior today to try and and and get us to the to the to the right parts. But, I'm just wondering if If, you know, if we could start really by thinking about, this concept of really uncovering purpose and and the fact that it's always in us to some degree, And that we kind of go on this journey of of of discovery by looking back over our life and and connecting the dots of significant moments that have really shaped who we are.
James Glover [00:03:21]:
I'm just wondering if if there are a few a few of those moments that kind of immediately spring to mind that you feel have helped shape who you are in the world today?
Nigel Thomas [00:03:32]:
Yeah. There's a hand cover. Yeah. Like you say, 60 years of, of a journey, that's been, more than 1 person's journey. And, And I set that out early on in life because of my mom was in a wheelchair. She had multiple sclerosis, and, yeah, it It pretty much set the scene, you know, from an early age. When I say an early age, probably from about the age of 3 or 4. And mum Began to go into a wheel into a wheelchair, and I think from that moment, I realized how precious life was Oh, how precious life is.
Nigel Thomas [00:04:13]:
So a defining moment, I've been very fortunate to have had that experience from a child. Plus dad, who was a wonderful man when he was sober, but unfortunately he liked to drink. And and that turned him into, into not so not so nicer man. So I I learned to hide as well when I was, when I was a young boy. I used to climb the roof to get away from him, Barricade my bedroom door. It was the window to get in and out. So my first defining moment, I would probably say, is My childhood, my early years, which began to define me as a person, as a carer, as a fixer, and someone who was able to give service back to another human being. I think roll the years on a little bit, and, I persuaded a local butcher to give me a job when I was 15, and, and I'd been helping my father that day, changing the gearbox of the bus.
Nigel Thomas [00:05:19]:
I wasn't in school. I was out with my father. And the the lady that run the bus company, I can remember as she brought 2 cups of tea out, 1 for my father, 1 for me. This was 10 o'clock in the morning. I tasted mine, and I, I can't drink that. There was whiskey in it. Oh, really? So my father said, I love it. But, anyway, Towards the end of the day, then we were we were we were driving home, and this is one of the periods where dad had was not drinking.
Nigel Thomas [00:05:51]:
We stopped in a local butcher shop, and, and there was a sign in the window saying apprentice wanted. So while we were in the shop there, I asked him if I could have a job. And, I can see the butcher now, Phil Hughes. And, he still looks he's like a brother to me now. And, He looked at me and went, nah. I don't think so. I was covered in oil.
James Glover [00:06:13]:
I was gonna say, you just come from changing the gearbox
Nigel Thomas [00:06:15]:
on the bus. I was a naughty boy around the town. I was, you know, I was riding motorbikes underage, and, I was getting up to all sorts. And, anyway, we went home, my father said, scrub up, put some clean clothes on, go back down. And I did that 5, 6 times, and eventually So
James Glover [00:06:37]:
so you went so you went from the shop, you went home, and your dad said, Right. Let's get you let's get you turned around. Let's get you clean. Get head back down there. But wait, you had to do that 5 or 6 times. So you you made the effort. You went back down to the shop On the butch, you went, no. No.
Nigel Thomas [00:06:54]:
So over over the weeks, yeah, I kept on going back, sort of knocking on the door. And, I didn't understand rejection back in those days, but, well, yeah, knock in the anyway, eventually, you gave me a job. And, I ended up I started working there Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and, and I had an agreement with the headmaster in the school that I Catch up on my schoolwork Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. That didn't go so well, and I ended up working 7 days a week. And, I was 15, I had a motorbike, so I was underage. Now I'd never experienced family as such, if you like, so the butcher invited me into his family, his mom and dad, his wife, his little girl. And I remember sat at the kitchen table 1 Saturday evening about to have supper. I'd never experienced this in my life.
Nigel Thomas [00:07:54]:
So Sitting at the table, yeah, and there's a roast dinner coming out, and the old man of the butcher shop who'd been in In a Welsh regiment during the 2nd world war and after that in Aden and places. So he ended up as a sergeant major, quite a strict individual. And, I remember he sat down here. He's obviously been keeping an eye on me. Nigel, what you doing with your money? I've been buying presents. I ended up drinking, I did smoking, doing all the things I shouldn't have been doing. But still turning up early for work. And, and he said, right, have you finished buying presents? I said, yes.
Nigel Thomas [00:08:36]:
He said, right, Monday morning, You're coming down to the bank with me. You're opening a bank account. And so that's another defining moment, getting that job And the old man of the butcher shop getting a grip of me. And I still these days, I still think about that moment where if if I hadn't had that job and hadn't had that mentor, if you like, that person guiding me at that time, I could have gone a very different path. And over that period then, in the butcher shop, I learned A lot about discipline, a lot about hard work, early starts, late finishes, Customer service. We work in a butcher shop, but also, There's a show out in Wales called the Royal Welsh Show, big agricultural show, and they have many different types of competition, and one was butchering. And, and I won the Royal Welsh. So I was outside.
Nigel Thomas [00:09:43]:
I got into martial arts, won, Not not for being the best fighter, but for turning up every day and really working hard and putting the effort in, Getting battered by, you know, the Welsh internationals or whatever, you know, but it toughened me up as well. So,
James Glover [00:10:04]:
so Nigel, if, if, if you don't mind, I mean, you've just been talking for a few minutes there and The ground that you have covered in terms of experiences that have evidently just lived with you over the course of your lifetime are just, unreal. And just to, I don't know, just to unpack a little bit of of that, you know, the I have just this image of you, of this, almost kind of like tearaway teenager, but, actually, there was a big part of you that wanted A sense of belonging and a sense of connection and, that that kind of that nature of the, you know, I didn't I didn't do rejection. I didn't take and a willingness that a willingness to kind of to to go back and still put yourself in that in that place of, well, they could say no. But, actually, this is something that's really important to me, and I want to be able to demonstrate to them that I'm I'm capable of of being able to do this. So How many people would have not gone back after the 1st attempt, let alone continue to go back 5 or 6 times, the outcome of which was You win the Worldwell Show. You know, the the the skill and the dedication, that Came from being embraced, supported, nurtured, meant that you were able to achieve something Phenomenal. Like, just just even in that kind of one element of of the story you're describing. But you also talked about this the whole just nature of family and and the experience of family and and and what that meant to you beforehand.
James Glover [00:11:44]:
You you started right at the very beginning in talking about, You know, your mother's disability and being a carer and learning that very, very early. But you also talked about it as being almost like a gift of an experience. But how could could you just talk a little bit about that? How you've been able to frame something that obviously was really challenging in that moment, but as something that you've come to look back on and say, that was a gift for me.
Nigel Thomas [00:12:14]:
Yeah. I I I don't know whether it's it's a makeup of individual, you know, glass half full, glass half empty, but, I've had some dark moments in my life where, you know, where you haven't felt so fortunate. Yeah. I think the 1st part of my life has just been a blur. Survival. Fight, flight, freeze. Yeah. Certainly, the the the the piece of when dad was drinking and he was an aggressive individual Then I'm very powerful.
Nigel Thomas [00:12:46]:
Then I was always in fear and flight. But I think Come to terms with it, it's just, oh, wow. It's it's given me an opportunity in life to see the world in a different way, Yeah. Through through my own lens. But also to look at it and go, every morning, I get up and say thank you to nature And say thank you that I'm able to stand up. Yeah. I've had injuries. Both my shoulders operated on Complete left hip.
Nigel Thomas [00:13:20]:
My right knee operated a couple of times and, and right hip will need doing. Yeah. I've broken my neck, broken my back. But if I hadn't experienced mum Going through what she did for so many years and the pain she experienced. I've never been in pain. I've had discomforts. Yeah mum had pain. And so that is a kind of There's a zone that, I enter sometimes that when I need to, but that's mental or physical.
Nigel Thomas [00:13:59]:
And it's always, yeah, I go back to mum. Yeah. She could, yeah, every time you step on the mountain and your knee and hips Tirt. Yeah. Discomfort. Then bang. Mom would love this because I can walk. So, yeah, that experience of child I I just I just feel so so grateful about it.
Nigel Thomas [00:14:24]:
And and just Over the over the years and more more recently in the last sort of 10, 12 years where different things have happened, injuries caught up, I wasn't able to use physical activity to maintain a mental calmness, Then things needed to change. So when I really started studying the mind, my own mind, You understand the pain that was going on in my mind, discomfort, the pain. And I wasn't able to understand it. And making the same mistakes as well In life. So it, and I think that moment came when I had a new hip, and I took up gardening. And, I remember asking the surgeon, is it right to go out in the garden? He said, yep, as long as You're on a flat surface so that you don't go over on your ankle because until the hip the muscles around the hip heal, then a hip could pop out. And, so I remember being out in the garden and I was pulling weeds. And it was that moment, I could feel it, I could see it now.
Nigel Thomas [00:15:41]:
And I was pulling some weeds and I learned patience. Close at that moment. And that clarity gave me a different way of looking at life. So I'd been running at a 100 miles an hour in everything I did. I was always trying to achieve more and more and more and more, whether it was physical, whether it was in business, in charity work. It didn't matter what it was, it was just Constant. And I had this thing, are you sleeping enough when you're dead?
James Glover [00:16:09]:
Yeah.
Nigel Thomas [00:16:09]:
Which I realized now was a stupid thing after. You're sleeping, sleep, and all that sort of stuff.
James Glover [00:16:15]:
Yeah. Yeah. In in actual fact, sleep will help you live longer.
Nigel Thomas [00:16:18]:
Yeah. Exactly. But I'm I'm glad that I've done it in a way that I've lived my mom's life as well. But when I started learning about patience and I really got into Studying my own mind and allowing my childhood guilt, my shame, my anger, Understanding those emotions, and being able to not let them go overnight. It's taken me 10, 12 years. And and it's a constant It's it's a constant battle, if you like, on my own routine, my daily routine, to to manage these emotions. I've had them for 50 years. It's only in the last 10 years really.
Nigel Thomas [00:17:05]:
I've started to understand them. So that childhood piece Really defined who I am. And if I hadn't experienced mum's pain, then my my military career would not have happened.
James Glover [00:17:22]:
Yeah. So so talk to us about that, that transition, Nigel, so you you've basically been a carer at periods of time for your mom because your dad was either super present Ori was super absent, and there was kind of almost nothing in between. So there's there's something about how, as a young person, You were able to kind of navigate that that has shaped who you are. Then there's this a defining moment of, well, I managed to to kind of, get a job and be invested in, and the outcome of that was, you know, award winning. If if you work hard, If you commit yourself and you dedicate yourself and you have a level of of kind of, discipline, then actually the outcomes that you can achieve can be pretty special. So you've had these experiences. How did that then translate into to to you having the military career that you did?
Nigel Thomas [00:18:16]:
Yeah. I I I think, yeah, you put it in such a good way. You put it with certain words there. I mean, yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. So I think my childhood was survival, and and I've talked about that over the years where, and where we've run bushcraft or survival courses for, teenage children or teenagers, And when they get away from their mobile phone, when they have to build their own shelter, build a fire and keep it going 24 hours a day, Yeah. Find the food, you know, skin it, cook it, find the water.
Nigel Thomas [00:18:57]:
All of a sudden, the rest of the materialistic things in the world, it doesn't matter. Social media doesn't matter. It just comes back to proper survival of a human being. And I think I was in that mode from a very young age. His dad would disappear for a week at a time or anything, so I'd end up trying to catch rabbits or try and catch rabbits, fish, So that mum and I would have some food. And, But take that into the military where I did 7 years as a butcher and then I'd just seen Amit one day up in the leisure center. Well, Amit, we we grew up in primary school together, and we were we were training, and, and he looked fit. So what you what you up to then? What are you doing these days? I haven't seen them for 7 years.
Nigel Thomas [00:19:52]:
Years ago, I'm in the Royal Marines. I had no idea who the Royal Marines were, But it sparked an interest. And then, yeah, 12 months later, I was turning up at The training camp in Limestone, Exeter to, you know, start run marine basic recruit training. So your question then, when it came into the Royal Marines and we had to do survival courses, I think, Perhaps we go for food for without food for 2 or 3 days. It was nothing. It was nothing because I was used. I didn't know what the hunger pangs were when I was a child, but later on in life, why is are you saying you're starving, But you've had breakfast. Yeah.
Nigel Thomas [00:20:42]:
Yeah. Yeah. So even 2, 3 days or whatever without food, it was just like, well, I'm quite happy with this. So that childhood experience again came into its own. So when people were getting blistered toes or blistered heels, Yeah. And I did. And, you'd never complain Because it went back to childhood, mom. Yeah? My feet were cut.
Nigel Thomas [00:21:11]:
Yeah? My heels were cut, my toes were cut, my soles were cut. Right. You put the boots on next day and crack on. So that childhood experience, I could have failed, if you like, Royal Marine basic training within 3 weeks because I picked up other injuries. But it was that experience that I had as a child that gave me that mental toughness. I think it's been detriment to me as well because some of my injuries have been because I pushed it, Push the mind. Yeah. The mind is stronger than the body.
James Glover [00:21:54]:
Yeah. And I think there's something very powerful in And just acknowledging that for a moment, Nigel, because I'm a 100% convinced that people listening to this will be like me going, Well, I stub my toe on the corner of the bed, and, you know, I fill the air with with with profanity, hoping that my children won't hear. And here's this man who whose, inner voice is just saying, I am in experience pain, And I'm living a life not just for me, but for mom. And so let's get the boots on and let's go again. And so we'll be sat here going, yeah. You know what? I need a little bit more of that. But what you're also saying at the same time is kind of tempering that there's a point at which you can push too far. And so, actually, the kind of the knowledge of you know, what's the right bandwidth for this? Where does it really serve me and help me and enable me versus where does it then tip over into creating just a different type of cost?
Nigel Thomas [00:22:56]:
Yeah. And and I'm I'm not saying that I don't feel that discomfort. Yeah. I'll shout and I'll swear as well. Yeah. And I'll get that out. Yeah. And, But it's just like when, yeah, when those you know, that initial bulb, that, yeah, that hurts.
Nigel Thomas [00:23:15]:
So it gets out. It's right. Okay. I take it back now. I remember that piece there. Yeah. So I think that only comes with experience of how how far, how hard you push and and very much down to individuals. A lot of endurance athletes out there that yeah.
Nigel Thomas [00:23:36]:
And and and I've trained a Welsh lady in Wales to become one of the best Multi day endurance athletes in the world. And it wasn't so much on her fitness. It was on the top 2 inches.
James Glover [00:23:51]:
Yes.
Nigel Thomas [00:23:52]:
So every time she got overconfident, I broke her. Not breaking her by physical activity, By taking her into an environment that she was not able to survive, into the Arctic, she relied on me to keep her alive. In in very simple terms, she couldn't she wasn't able to light a fire. She wasn't able to melt the melt the snow for water. So after a period of time, it becomes so important, that survival bit, that, ah, now she's relying on me. That's making her more humble. Each time I said that, it was just bringing that humbleness back into her. And for me as well, for I have people that that do that for me.
Nigel Thomas [00:24:35]:
Yeah, keep me humble. So I think that piece of how far do you push and how hard you push, I think it depends on your purpose as well, doesn't it? Yes. Yeah. And if you've got People say, oh, you need a purpose to get up in the morning.' show me somebody that can go, oh, I'm going to bed tonight Then tomorrow morning, I'm gonna wake up wake up with a purpose. And and they go, well, it hasn't happened. It hasn't happened. Most things in life don't happen. Most things in life you have to work hard.
Nigel Thomas [00:25:10]:
Back to what you said. You put that hard work in, you put the discipline, That you do those small steps every day, and you might not know where you're going. But by doing those small steps, 12 months, You get a bit of clarity on life and who you are and what you perhaps want in life, whether it's in Your own individual life or your family, in your work, in your fitness, in your social, in all the categories, But that doesn't come just by for some people, they're lucky. And my partner knew when early on in school, she wanted to be a physiotherapist, And she wanted to run for Wales and possibly the Commonwealth. So she had very clearly defined goals. But I think most people, you know, we we go through life. We get we get a mortgage, then we get tied into a job, Yeah, and we go, oh, now we can't do it. And I don't like the word can't.
Nigel Thomas [00:26:10]:
Yeah, it's a negative word. So if you I'm unable to do it at the moment, but what do I need to change? And to have that change, you have to have courage. Yeah. And behind that courage is fear. Yeah. And it is fear. But fear's courage is overcoming that fear. And everything I did, virtually everything I did in the military, yeah, I was scared.
Nigel Thomas [00:26:36]:
Yeah. But I didn't know what the emotions were. I didn't know what, you know, sweaty palms, all this anxiety. I didn't know. We just did it. Yeah, you free fall from the plane at night with oxygen. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Nigel Thomas [00:26:51]:
I was a hopeless free faller. I would tumble and, yeah, the rest of the lads would laugh and follow me out of the plane because they know, oh, this is gonna be a spectacle. But but once I stabilized and got got the parachute open, I was very good at, you know, landing and hitting the spot. But I was I was scared. Yeah, but I didn't understand it. I didn't look into it. I suppose I didn't like The fear of failing, I suppose.
James Glover [00:27:21]:
Yes. Yeah. And you know what? You're, again, just really, Really beautifully kind of painting painting this picture of, you know, we of of what purpose requires from us. Right? It requires an investment. So does it does it just come? Well, in some cases, it does. People do have a a clarity of not just what do I want to do, but Why am I here? And the difference between those 2 things is you can have a clarity on on the on the outcome that you're trying to achieve, the goal. But there's an inner There's an inner conviction. There's an inner intuition that says, I want to do this because the contribution that I wanna make to that is.
James Glover [00:28:03]:
And that's unique to to each of us, but it but like you say, it doesn't just come. Like, if you kind of go to bed and go, ah, I hope that in the morning, I'm gonna wake up and I'm gonna have some clarity around it. Part of part of purpose is going into the unknown. And so to your point, just 1 step at a time, Going into the unknown going. Actually, I, I, I feel anxious. I'm feeling fear, but you know what? There's just a courageous 1st step here. And when you take it, you go, oh, I can see more. I understand more.
James Glover [00:28:34]:
And then you take another one And you see more and you understand more, and then you take another one. And, actually, the aggregation of that over time is, well, a, I've traveled way further and in a way that much Much much different direction than I ever thought was was possible. But, god, do I feel a sense of self worth and, and value because I've just been able to challenge myself to go beyond a comfort zone.
Nigel Thomas [00:28:59]:
Yeah. And don't get me wrong, my life hasn't been the gat all the time. Yeah. I've had different challenges and, different Different things happening in personal life, different things happening in business, and the injuries, a combination of them all, I suppose back in, oh, 2011 2010, 2011, I was married to my 3rd wife. 23rd December 2010, that's it. We got a phone call in the office, and her niece had been rushed to hospital. And, I remember saying to her, you you better get in the car and get up to North Wales. It doesn't sound good.
Nigel Thomas [00:29:47]:
By the time she got up there, niece had passed away. GED meningitis and it'd been wrongly diagnosed. So, over that Christmas then, 2010, 2011, my daughter From the 2nd marriage, she contracted E Coli in hospital and had taken her into hospital. I'm a guardian of my cousin who's in a wheelchair, And I was wheeling her into theater early January for an operation on her stomach. May May of 2011 May 11th 2011, my great nephew was serving in the Royal Marines and was killed in Afghanistan. And then, and we'd been attacked by pirates out in Somalia and all sorts, you know, so from the business point of view. And then Benghazi, the US ambassador was killed in Benghazi, 9th September this, well, this past week in 2011, and that was my job as well. So a combination of emotional things happening with physical injuries, That started, started a downhill, yeah, a downhill track if you like.
Nigel Thomas [00:31:00]:
Or probably just falling off a cliff and into a dark place. And you try and keep things together. And then but I realized that, wow, the top 2 inches, Which I thought I had control over. I no longer had control. And there was a lot of Discomfort, a huge amount of negative, and a lot of toxic people around as well. And we have different news stories On my side around the world and all sorts of things happening. And somebody bought me the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective people. Yeah.
Nigel Thomas [00:31:45]:
And it arrived. And I went, What is this? I don't read books. Yeah, I ride motorbikes. Anyway, I felt obliged to read it because it was a present, and that began my journey of real, self recovery, I suppose.
James Glover [00:32:07]:
Yes. And and and
Nigel Thomas [00:32:09]:
my question to you is gonna
James Glover [00:32:10]:
be, like, how do you how do you go from that place To then being able to re establish that sense of self, what was that journey like? And so it sounds like the book was the kind of the first step.
Nigel Thomas [00:32:21]:
Yeah. It was the catalyst. And I read it, and I reread it, and I listened to it on audio, and I made notes. And I still go back to it these days. And it was, I made diagrams of my mind at the time. It's crazy when I look it up now. And just the confusion that was there. But the negative, you know, the chimp was in there.
Nigel Thomas [00:32:49]:
And he just had total control. And it was. And I decided one day, and I spoke to different people, I never had therapy, never had Coaching as such or anything, I went on the journey myself. Because I found there's few people that have had the experiences That I've had that you could actually sit there and they could truly understand. And that's not been arrogant, it's something I've learned over the years as well. And, I really went back to basics. And I thought, right, I go to bed tonight. Now if I wake up in the morning, if I'd slept, if I wake up in the morning and I can reach over and turn the alarm off, I'm gonna I'm gonna take that as a positive.
Nigel Thomas [00:33:37]:
And I did that for weeks. Yeah. About 3 weeks. Because it's 3 weeks and you create a habit. So I did it in 3 week chunks and The next stage from that, switched that off. If I then could sit with my feet on the floor on the edge of the bed, Then that was another tick in the box. 3 weeks and then I built to standing up. So I have 3 things now, turn the alarm, Sit on the edge of the bed and then stand up.
Nigel Thomas [00:34:10]:
And over a number of years, The negatives became less. So I was getting more positives in the day. So that balance now, I was changing. And that's the journey that I've gone through, if you like, over the last 12 years, I constantly read, and I have my own routine, And if I don't do that routine for about say 3 or 4 days, I feel the balance. So that goes back to discipline. And when people say I can't do it, or you know, you're just unable to do it right now, If you want to find that purpose, if you want to have a calmer mind, Then it can be achieved. And depending on, you know, there are medical, you know, different things with people and all that sort of stuff. But I think the vast majority of people, you're able to achieve it, and we see it in some of the charity work we do that We mentor former service people or emergency blue light people that, you know, they've just fallen off the track a little bit, And you bring them in, bring them back to almost try and get them to do a bit of a stoic life.
Nigel Thomas [00:35:36]:
Materialistic things don't matter. Find out who they are, where the ego is, what they love, And just little bits of guidance. And when you get those little glimmers of hope that turn into, well, that's positive, And you get that feeling, I've just done it with my 79 year old brother. He phoned me yesterday, And he just went, thank you so much. He he walked he walked he lives on a steep drive. This week, he's been walking up the steep drive. He hasn't done that in about 5 years. And so simple, I got him to eat better, stop drinking sugary drinks, and that's been pretty much it, But he's he's had the discipline to to stick to it.
James Glover [00:36:31]:
And I'm and I'm I'm just wondering, Nigel, if you, If you are consciously aware and if you are, it'd be amazing that you you kind of almost talked about this this moment where You'd, described it as falling off a cliff, and you're in you're in this kind of feeling feeling darkness. And, And you you said, I made a choice. And you made a choice, and it was a small choice. And that small choice you built on With another small choice and another small choice you built on, and and and again, the consequence of just those Small shifts turned into the kind of the big steps over time. But what was really driving The choice. What was it that was kind of underpinning that moment where you went, alright. I've had enough of this. I need to do something different.
Nigel Thomas [00:37:25]:
Family, probably. I think, yeah. I look at it. Responsibilities, older brothers, older sister. My auntie, who's the mother of my cousin who's in a wheelchair and in a home, her values in life were impeccable. And after the funeral and I spoke, I said I would take those values on. Some of the family members said, you're already you're already living them, which unbeknown to me. So actions, Yeah.
Nigel Thomas [00:38:03]:
Actions are more powerful than words or anything. So my actions over the years have always been there, I suppose. So I have responsibilities. My cousin, my brother, who I didn't really know back then, and it was only through Some, a traumatic experience that he had about 6 years ago and came to live with me. And we've built up this wonderful relationship. And I feel I've done the right thing by giving him my time where I could have gone, Or business is more important? Yes. Yeah. Business will always be there.
Nigel Thomas [00:38:43]:
Family to me, and that I think that goes back what you you picked up early on. So when I realized in this last 12 years, I've come to realize that actually I do have a family. Whereas in my younger years, because I was looking after mom, I was hiding from dad when he was on the drink, I had no support. So my one of my defaults is I don't need anybody. I can do this myself, Which had been detrimental to some of my life, but I find it quite powerful as well. And I know when that's coming, when I need to go down to see my mom and dad to their graveside, And I'll I'll get this strength from mum That, I can take on the world and I can survive, Yeah. I don't mind, I'll sleep in the back of the van, I'll sleep up in the woods. Yeah.
Nigel Thomas [00:39:50]:
It makes a noise to me. And, But I think that piece of I found that, wow, I've got a family, I've got responsibility here. I could actually give up. Yeah? But then going back then and realizing I'm going to see mom's grave A bit more regular than normal. What's happening here? Where am I? What state am I in, if you like? So, Yeah. That piece of, that, yeah, that piece of, Yeah. Realizing I've got family, realizing that my auntie Linda would pull pull them all together, I do that now. And, yeah, every yeah.
Nigel Thomas [00:40:40]:
Every so often, right, We're all getting together for dinner and they enjoy it, but they need a catalyst to pull it all together. You know? Not something I do well in life. I I I I pull a lot of things together if you like. So, yeah, that that was one of the, Yeah. One of the strong my purpose, I suppose, I I needed to get stronger, get back to where who Nige is, But a better version of Nightch. Understanding the values, very clear, defined purpose, and, I'm going right. Okay. Now I can actually help put a smile on somebody else's face.
James Glover [00:41:26]:
Because One of the, one one of the things that we we talk about quite a lot, not just only in the podcast, but the the kind of the work that we do, the excitable soul is It's one thing to it's one thing to know purpose, and it's another thing to be able to understand it so that you can access it and use it. And, I'm just sat here with kind of goosebumps on my arms because the way in which you've just be able to describe Your understanding of meaning and connection, which is what purpose really is. It's meaning and connection. And the tangibility of that and what that's then enabled you to do, the leaps of faith that you've been able to take, Like, the courage you've been able to summon because of it is, you know, it's it's it's phenomenal. And so when I hear you say things like My sense of responsibility to the people around me to be able to live in a certain way with a certain set of values, To be able to recognize that there was a gap for you, and you understood then what it was like to fill that gap, and then you wanted to bring that experience to other people, and that has created direction. It's it's informed decision. You know, it's enabled you to go, this isn't just an inkling of something that feels important to me. It's actually directional.
James Glover [00:42:50]:
I understand it, and I'm going to act on it. And that action has able was able to bring me out of a dark place and was not only able to bring me out of a dark place, but it was able to challenge me to say, I've gotta get back to Nigel, but I wanna be a better version of Nigel. And what does that better version look like? You know, how do I how do I make that happen? And the the ability to translate intention into action here, Niall, is just, you know, breathtaking to to hear. Thank you so much for for kind of being able to share it in in such a kind of a clean way.
Nigel Thomas [00:43:26]:
I that that's interesting as well because, Yeah. I know I know action's a a more powerful word. What you're thinking, what you're saying, and what you're acting should all align. And if one is out of line, then, yeah, how can you have integrity or humility or, yeah, how can you be taken seriously, really? Whether that's in family life with your children, and this goes back to childhood again, I suppose. My dad promised me a lot of different things, And they yeah. It never came. And so throughout my life and there are moments where I've said that, you know, perhaps I would do something and it hasn't happened because, but they're still in my mind and I and they will get done. Yeah.
Nigel Thomas [00:44:13]:
And as years gone past, because that's my integrity because that was my Childhood experience. I'm going, no. That's not gonna happen. And I and I was you know, within the military, they know and and even today, Yeah. To today, people go phone up and or they ask for something to be done. They'll have that then, but it would be above and beyond that as well. Yeah. And that's part of the reputation.
Nigel Thomas [00:44:43]:
And what sort of person do you want to be recognized as or remembered as? Yeah? And life is you know, time time is very precious. Yeah. And as you get older, you think, So I spend a bit of time thinking about this and reading about it. You think, oh, yeah. You know, this you know, the funnel's getting getting shorter. Getting closer to the end of the queue. Yeah. And, yeah, I try to eat well, I exercise, I sleep well, drink a little bit of alcohol these these days.
Nigel Thomas [00:45:15]:
You know? Life is life. You know? You don't know what's ahead tomorrow. You don't know what's going on this afternoon. So The time is precious, but also people waste time. And that has always frustrated me Because of that ex childhood experience again, mum in a wheelchair and not able to do anything, absolutely nothing. Yeah. You had to hold her head and feed her. And so wasting a moment where There's negative thoughts in the mind and we're talking about somebody else or we're complaining, yeah, or we're criticizing.
Nigel Thomas [00:45:56]:
You know, toxic. It it's just waste of energy. And and part of the decision, you know, 10, 12 years ago was, Right. I have, you know, the wrong group of friends or, or the wrong people, not all, you know, I have some amazing friends, amazing. And, but you realize then, oh, hang on. Yeah. They're they like to go for a drink. So where do I meet them? Meet them in the pub so I have a few drinks.
Nigel Thomas [00:46:24]:
Why do I wanna drink? Don't go yeah. So it's not that you you just keep them at arm's length and you And you go, right, let's have a cup of tea. Yeah? However you want to think. But you for that to happen, you have to have courage again, For your life to change, yeah, your your circumstances need to change or your social network needs to change or you might need to change jobs because you're in the wrong tribe. So it's, yeah, it's it's interesting you say in there how I'm coming across because in my mind, I still have the imposter syndrome at times. Do I pick up that phone? Yeah. Oh, no. I don't know enough.
Nigel Thomas [00:47:08]:
No. I'll read a bit more, and then I'll phone them tomorrow. So where I was before, this dark place, if you like, Man, I have no qualms. I've knocked on doors and sold meat. Yeah. I've I yeah. It's just we're going to it. And, So yeah.
Nigel Thomas [00:47:24]:
And there's I'm almost there, but there's still a little bit of me, that has that little bit of self doubt. So, yeah, I come, yeah, I come across this way, but there's I'm human. Yeah? Having learnt about the emotions, I didn't understand emotions, the anger, the guilt, the shame, or the happiness Yeah. The ecstasy and, you know, and also things. And, and now you feel this little bit coming in, and then you go, oh, Okay. What's that about? Is it anger? All right. Let it play, yeah, and then get rid of it because I don't like it. Yeah? So That whole journey of understanding emotions, understanding to let things go, understanding to have patience, That was a major breakthrough in my life, I think.
Nigel Thomas [00:48:17]:
And then as soon as I got that patience back to the garden and we did, soon as I soon as I went, wow. I understood sow a seed because I had a greenhouse as well and, yeah, you you sow the seeds for the for the for the tomatoes. And you think, well, you're not growing quick enough. Bang. Lot of patience came in, and it was a totally new way of looking at life. Absolutely. It gave it gave me freedom, I think, and knowing that, well, You're not able to rush these things. I think these days, lives are moving so far or outside Circumstances are moving so fast with the digital technology that we need answers now.
Nigel Thomas [00:49:04]:
You know? You can Google, get an answer. Social media, you text your partner. Oh, they haven't replied. You phoned them. Everything went right. Anything you know, it's So nowadays, I try to do very little on the phone. I don't take it upstairs to bed with me. Yeah.
Nigel Thomas [00:49:19]:
I I I've purposely kept away from it. I haven't watched the news or read the newspaper in over 3 years because it's negative again. And, Yeah. And it's like, right, feed the brain with what you want to become, not what the world are trying to control you to become. So and it's it's easier said than done because, you know, you got fast foods. Food's coming in, and, yeah, everything everything's there for you these days, and Can I get now? Yeah. So, yeah, it's interesting you saying how how I'm coming across there because, yeah, sometimes I feel There's so much to come across, and then you try and condense it. And I think you you guided me as well.
Nigel Thomas [00:50:03]:
Yeah. That that's been Yeah. But I
James Glover [00:50:05]:
think what, what I'm hearing here, Nigel, that you're, You're really owning in this conversation is the journey that you have been on. It there there's no part of you that's going, hey. Look at me. This is what I can do. You're going, these are the things I've learned, and these are the things I've learned through pain. These are the things I've learned through fear. These are the things I've learned through courageous moments of just giving it a try. These are the things I've learned through, connection and belonging and pride and care.
James Glover [00:50:39]:
And for me, what you're describing is your continued, awakening to the emotional experiences that you've had and how they've shaped who you are. And, when you talk about this kind of outside in experience of now, everything is on, everything is fast. The the real key message that I'm hearing is we need to just go from the inside out here. Do you understand What you're feeling and why? Do you understand who you are and why? Do you understand what you want And why, and are those the things that are governing your choices? You talked about, you know, head, mouth, action, and all being aligned. Mhmm. And that feels. Just compelling for people to just reflect upon. You know? What what is the voice in my head? What is it saying? What are the things that I'm sharing with people around me and what is visible to others in terms of my action, and are those things all aligned? Because if they're not, chances are something is off somewhere.
James Glover [00:51:39]:
Yeah. Yeah. And it is I think it's finding those values, your values. And values can you know, they they evolve. Yeah. And, as you learn more in life and
Nigel Thomas [00:51:50]:
you think, why and I I spent a lot a lot of time on that because you have to have value. You're supposed to have values for a company. And and a lot of exercise and a lot of, you know, business gurus that I've sat with, and and he go, alright. You know, bang these values up on the board. Right. Stick those on the website. I'm like, no, no. We need to be living these values.
Nigel Thomas [00:52:12]:
And, yeah, and you go, right, okay, then you Find those. Keep them simple. You only need a few, and you work on those. And if you live those values every day, You'll find if it if they are the right values for you. Because when you're going down this road and you're living those values, then it's, Yeah. You go out for a night out. Yeah. We're happily married, so we say, and, yeah, and then you go out for a night out or you've had a couple of beers And then there's a pretty woman over there, or for a female, there's a pretty man, or whatever it is these days.
Nigel Thomas [00:52:48]:
Your values, you will feel because you go, I know it's wrong, but that's your values. It's it's really simple. I know it's wrong, but it's it's only a bit of fun. Yeah. I'm only talking to her. No. Hang on. You've signed up to a contract with your partner.
Nigel Thomas [00:53:07]:
Yeah. If you're not happy, then have the conversation. But people will understand. You'll feel you'll feel it. Now as soon as we break those values and go down that track and talk to that person, Yeah. We've got this guilt. And so when I talk about those values, and everything I do now in life And in business reflects around the values. There's no ifs or buts.
Nigel Thomas [00:53:32]:
I've been off the wrong path and, yeah, I've had the experience and, And and I know those feelings. That's not how I want to now live however long I've got left in life. Yeah. I want to be I want to die happy, and and there's plenty of research done on, you know, people. Yeah. I wouldn't have spent more time as much as long as in work. Talking about love. Oh, no.
Nigel Thomas [00:54:00]:
It's it's a natural thing. We don't talk about love. Yeah. It's so powerful. It's so, so powerful. And and if and I've got, you know, again, amazing friends that I've served with. Yeah. You know, roughty tough DSES boys and, yeah, and god knows what, you know, the Royal Marines.
Nigel Thomas [00:54:21]:
And it's Yeah. And I do these days. Yeah, I do what's occurring here? I just test. Yeah. And it's kind of I see where perhaps I've moved on in my emotional journey and how I'm able now to communicate and and talk openly about love, Yeah. And the different types of love, I suppose. Yeah. And every individual, how they perceive love because the way I used to perceive love Was this needy way, perhaps, because I didn't have it.
Nigel Thomas [00:54:56]:
I felt I didn't have it as a child. I realize now, yeah, I did have it, but it was in a different way. And we get the basics. If we do the basics in life, Then, yeah, other things fall in in line. And we we over complicate things by, we need that car We need a new phone. We need that holiday. But if you can really work on your life and actually find out who you are and who your partner is, Who the kids are and listen and go, actually, all we need is us. All the rest is just nice if we can afford it.
Nigel Thomas [00:55:39]:
And it's it's really powerful. My my partner is younger than me, and I'm very fortunate and very great. And, and and we talk a lot about these things. And and as our relationship and, you know, different challenges in life as well. And as our relationship gets stronger and and it builds and we're able to show vulnerability to each other, not not just not just verbal, but it it's Deep inside, these are my these are my fears. Yeah. And, oh, so you are human. Yeah.
Nigel Thomas [00:56:15]:
Yeah. I am human, and and the other way around as well. And and once you start getting in there and having those Real powerful conversations and building that real deeper meaning of trust, I think, then you start to live your life.
James Glover [00:56:32]:
Yeah. Yeah. And what I, I I just think there's just just such a really beautiful, kind of insight for us to almost, I think, pause on our conversation, Nigel, in that, you know, there is something here, the kind of the simplicity of life and the importance of love for us as human beings in in whatever form we experience it. And the The whole nature of being truly vulnerable is that when when you when you feel seen, Really seen for who you are, you feel valued. And when you feel valued, you can trust. Because ultimately, you feel safe in that connection, don't you? And and and and to be able to to to bring that to somebody else, but also to feel that for yourself, that's just where more things become possible in in all of our lives.
Nigel Thomas [00:57:27]:
Yeah. You do you know you're spot on there? Something's just happened in our life recently, And I won't go into the detail. And, and it's it's been a challenge for our relationship. And, and then it just changed This time last week. And, and, I got the connection back. We got the connection back. And, I said to my partner only yesterday, I said, I really feel we've got the connection now. And This is what I signed up to some time ago in our relationship.
Nigel Thomas [00:58:03]:
And she said, oh, would you take a bullet from me now? I said, yeah, and at that moment, and I would. That's how I feel. I'm there to protect. I help, guide, listen, protect. And it was. And I said, now I feel I can move forward. Yeah. Because we were stuck in this emotional, not battle, we never argue, but there was Just our own stresses and, you know, and me trying to fix and then pull back and go, no.
Nigel Thomas [00:58:42]:
I'm not able to fix. She's clever enough to Find it yourself. Yeah. So that was more learning for me. And and then and then you see a difference as well then because you're trying to fix by, oh, I I well, I'll do this and what about this and no. All she needed was space. Yeah. But for me, that responsibility and that knowing now that I've got somebody that will watch my back, now I can, Yeah.
Nigel Thomas [00:59:08]:
Now it's like, wow. Right. It's clear for me now again. I'm off. Yeah. I'm off.
James Glover [00:59:13]:
He's off. Ladies and gentlemen, watch out. Nigel is off. He's ready to go again. Nigel, I just wanna say a massive thank you to you for for taking the time to come and be part of the Excitable Soul podcast, and just what an incredible conversation. I think just The richness of your journey and your willingness to share so openly about the light, about the dark, but about What you've been able to do with it, I think, is, is gonna be really powerful for people to listen to. So thank you.
Nigel Thomas [00:59:46]:
But thank you, James. And, yeah. Best of luck with with everything that, is ahead of you.
James Glover [00:59:53]:
Thank you very much. Massive thank you for taking the time to listen to the Excitable Soul podcast. If you are interested in uncovering, Understanding and unleashing your sense of purpose. Come and explore our purpose immersion programs at the excitable soul.com. We look forward to hearing from you there or being with you on our next episode. Have an incredible day.