Episode #6: Annalie Howling
Embracing Meaning: Joining the Dots and Unlocking Your Authentic Self
Today, we continue to dive deep into the topic of purpose and finding meaning in our lives.
In this podcast episode with Annalie Howling, a performance coach with over 20 years of experience working with leaders in various industries. Annalie shares her personal journey of rediscovering her true self, finding purpose, and embracing vulnerability.
The idea of joining the dots throughout our lives really resonates here. Annalie explained that our purpose is not something external that we need to chase, but rather an inner quest to uncover the unique gifts and passions that already exist within us. It's about connecting the different aspects of ourselves and aligning our actions with our true values.
Annalie encourages us to pay attention to the moments when we feel lost or overwhelmed, as these can be critical opportunities for growth. By seeking help and guidance, whether through coaching, therapy, or supportive communities, we can peel back the layers that have accumulated over time and rediscover our authentic selves.
Another powerful concept that Annalie touches on is the importance of self-worth. Many of us struggle with doubts and insecurities, especially when faced with challenging situations or when embarking on new endeavors. Annalie shared her own journey of building self-worth, emphasising the significance of self-compassion and understanding that we deserve better than the trauma we may have experienced.
Annalie's story serves as a reminder that finding purpose and embracing vulnerability is a personal journey. It's about giving ourselves permission to show up fully, to take leaps of faith, and to access our intuition.
Links in this episode:
As a podcast community, we want to encourage you to start small with your own transformations. Join us in uncovering and understanding your unique gifts, and unleashing your purpose in whatever way feels true to you. Remember, it doesn't have to be a massive career change, but rather finding those resonant moments that set you on your path.
If you haven't had a chance to listen to our podcast episode with Annalie Howling, we highly recommend it. Her insights, vulnerability, and inspiring journey are not to be missed.
Thank you for being part of The Podcast community! We are excited to continue exploring purpose, meaning, and connection with you.
Wishing you a week filled with self-discovery and purpose-driven actions.
Read the transcript here
James Glover [00:00:09]:
Alrighty. Welcome to the Excitable Soul podcast. Here, we are interested in all things purpose. We want to know where and how people find Meaning and connection in their lives. In every episode, we're gonna be hearing the real life stories of how people have uncovered, understood, and unleashed their own unique Sense of purpose. Our hope is that we can all learn from the stories and the journeys of our guests so that we can better find the sense of purpose in our own lives. I'm host, James Glover, performance coach and purpose nerd. I'm incredibly excited to be exploring these stories with you.
James Glover [00:00:44]:
So let's get going, shall we? Ladies and gentlemen, today's guest is Annalie Howling. She is a highly sought after performance coach with over 20 years experience working with leaders in business, elite sport, and members of the armed forces, including UK special forces. She specializes in transitional support, and through her unique approach, she's able to ensure that her clients overcome any self imposed limitation, Enabling them to move forward with confidence and experience a more fulfilling life. This is gonna be an incredible conversation. Get yourself comfortable and strap yourselves in. Annalie, welcome to the Excitable Soul podcast. Just wonderful to have you with us. I'm really excited for the stories that you're gonna be able to share for for those that are listening.
James Glover [00:01:36]:
I really just want to kind of dive in at the deep end, start at the beginning of the journey, connect a few dots, really. You know, what are some of the most significant moments Or critical people that have have shaped who you are in the world today.
Annalie Howling [00:01:50]:
Thank you. Thank you for having me on. I think, It's a really interesting question, and I appreciate you asking me that. I think the critical moments and I wonder if this would be helpful for your audience because we hear all these stories about, oh, I lost everything and then I started it again or I, this thing happened. And, you know, I think, honestly, The critical moments have been times I felt really lost.
James Glover [00:02:14]:
Yeah.
Annalie Howling [00:02:14]:
And I haven't had an answer. There hasn't been like a feather that dropped The sky was written on the back of it going unlock this thing, and that's your, you know, that's your destiny. But it's been the moments that I think I've allowed Myself or maybe have been forced into a place where I was just overwhelmed, stuck, Burned out, you know, call it what you will. I think we've all got different personal experiences of that. And then just stopping and going, Okay. What am I going to do? Like, what am I able to do? And some of that might be reaching out People like you say, you know, people that have had big influence or in those moments maybe can remind you of who you are. I'm thinking about a good friend of mine, Nikki, Who's a coach and she started coaching, long before me and before it was kind of cool. It was all when it was very woo woo.
Annalie Howling [00:03:05]:
And everyone thought it was really weird. Like Wendy Rhodes has a lot for me from 1,000,000,000. Like, I don't need to explain myself anymore. It's great. Everyone thinks it's really it's really she she and fabulous. And There's usually a follow-up question on that, but, like, otherwise, they get it. So right. When Nikki first started The coaching, it was it was really early in in this sort of process and protocols.
Annalie Howling [00:03:29]:
You've been to the states doing it, which, as you know, is always a couple of years ahead, generally speaking, in the personal Development world, like, more of these perhaps bring some of these things out, and it comes across to us in Europe a little bit later. And Nikki is someone that's been very influential on me. So my first ever Experience of coaching was when I was at one of these junctions and just in a very, very successful, very well paid, Highly revered job with an incredible network that I built from nothing and so unhappy And so numb and so ill, frankly. And she was like, let me do a session for you. You know, let's just see. And I was like, Yeah. Of course. I trust you, and I'll try anything.
Annalie Howling [00:04:09]:
And she did a guided visualization for me. And Nikki specialize in coaching women. Her, obviously, electric woman. Anyone wants to look up is amazing. And you get to meet your most electric self, sort of you at Penn. You've done lots of coaching work. And the meditations are amazing. And It was so profound and it was so transformative.
Annalie Howling [00:04:30]:
And I think in that moment when you really are just So numb because I was so disconnected from my true authentic self and my personality and my soul. You know, my soul was I think my soul was excitable, but it was under all these layers of just Numbness from doing things.
James Glover [00:04:45]:
Just desperate to try and get out from someone.
Annalie Howling [00:04:47]:
Exactly. So and when you're going through these, like, visualizations, you're also going to Conscious, but it was so profound, and it was so vivid. And actually, a lot of things I mean, this was like coming up for 14 years ago. And there were things that happened in that have absolutely manifested in the country that I could never have known, like having 1 daughter, for example. I mean, the odds are okay, but, you know, I didn't know you can't know that, where I might live, all of these sorts of things. And yeah. Though that was something that gave me hope. And I think those are the pivotal moments when I've been quite lost and maybe felt like I didn't have my north star or a compass or something.
Annalie Howling [00:05:24]:
And some people just Kind of step in to just help you back to yourself. And Nikki, again, when I was started going through my divorce, Is she from my lab to swear or not? Can I swear on here?
James Glover [00:05:39]:
Yeah. Of course you can. Go for it.
Annalie Howling [00:05:41]:
So she sent me A necklace, really beautiful necklace, this gold necklace, and her symbol is like a lightning bolt. The electric will turn. It's fantastic. It's very sexy. And on the back of it was a f h. And f is not the initial of my middle name. God. And it's Annalie fucking howling.
Annalie Howling [00:05:59]:
And she puts, you remember who the fuck you are. Like, you remember who you are. And I wore that necklace. I still got it. I wore that, like, religiously for years because it just felt like it gave me, It did remind me of who the f I was and was helping me again take off some other layers this time from a marriage, Being someone's wife, you know, stepping out of that container into a lot of different, you know, different roles, things changing. And, again, it was sort of helping me back To my core essence, to my soul. So she is someone that I would say I would always really value and Has this just incredible ability to to help you reconnect back to yourself. And it's been those moments that I reflect back on.
Annalie Howling [00:06:45]:
And I think, well, you did that. You know? So when there's something scary or the inner critic's kicking in Yeah. You did that. You did that.
James Glover [00:06:52]:
Yeah. And you know what? The like, Already just the layers in the in the in the way in which you're able to just tell that story within 3 minutes. Able to cut to those moments of Stuckness as it were. And and a lot of the time, awareness is key. Right? Do we even do we even see, understand, Pay attention to the kind of the feeling data and information that's saying this isn't right for us right now. And I'm wondering if you can give us a sense of, kind of what led you to that kind of first stuck point? Because as you said, from, an outside in perspective, ticking all the boxes. But from inside out perspective, it was you know, you're kind of trapped and screaming to kind of unleash yourself. If you were, For with the benefit of hindsight, able to kind of go back to that person that thought that they were, you know, AFH.
James Glover [00:07:43]:
I'm living the dream life. I'm achieving all the things I'm supposed to be doing, but, really, I'm not. How would you help that person in that moment go, oh, shit. I'm missing the point here completely.
Annalie Howling [00:07:55]:
I think so for me, there's there's, like, some nuance, Bree, to add on, which was that I understand now through the benefit of Hindsight, healing, doing the work, everything else. That I was acting from a lot of wounded experiences of my past. So I grew up in a very violent household. Told my father was very violent with me, and so home was not a safe place. And so, therefore, I entered the race, if you like, which is what it is, You know, very, very quickly because I had to find safety. So for me, creating financial security, having a career, You know, the ladder that we're told you know this is literally the same age, I think. You know? So you're told to kind of, aspire to certain things, but also security and bricks and mortar. And it was that age, you know, that you grew up in, and that's what gives you security.
Annalie Howling [00:08:41]:
And so I entered that From a place of fight or flight, you know, very much I had to make this work. And then I found an industry and a job and a place that I could Make this work. So and I was making it work, and I was ignoring the alarm bells that were going off. You know? Like, I was ill, and I didn't Why? And I've used this example before. You start, you know, going, oh, I'll go to the doctor, and maybe it's this, and maybe I'm not. You know, you you start doing all these things. I went I went for intolerance tests. You know, I went for, all these various things that are basically tinkering around the edge, just trying to not face up to the main Screaming glaring reality that the biggest thing in my life at that time, my job, my career, I was intolerant to that.
Annalie Howling [00:09:29]:
I wasn't intolerant to gluten. I was intolerant. Personally, I was intolerant to that. And truly, the second I stopped doing it, I was fine. You know? Everything healed. I was fine. Like but I didn't want to face up to that because, like I said at the beginning, looping back, It wasn't like I had a box next to me with the perfect answer of what to do next. You know, just get to this place where you're like, I cannot.
Annalie Howling [00:09:57]:
I cannot do this anymore. It's making me sick. But you don't necessarily have the prepackaged answer Of this is what's going to really fulfill me and make me feel incredible. And then layer on top of that, and you can still be successful as in because I'm still, you know, need to make Security for myself. So, that is a really, really scary place. You know, and you need to have good friends, good resources, Really understand what's going on in yourself, like the grounding practices, all that kind of stuff to be able to kind of self soothe in that moment and go, You're okay, and you've got this.
James Glover [00:10:33]:
Yeah. God, I love and and, like, I feel lighter as you're going through the explanation. Like and and the reason why I feel lighter is just the acknowledgement of the control that you have taken back in that moment. So, you know, there's a part of of of this experience which is feeling completely out of control. The safety is you've, as you talk about it is the job because of what it provided. But, actually, all it's led is to a whole bunch of costs that create a kind of a freefall experience of total lack of control. Then you've gone, well, actually, there's this whole bunch of stuff that I just wasn't seeing, wasn't paying attention to, and I did the work. And I think that's something that people forget.
James Glover [00:11:12]:
It like, I I saw in, a TED Talk. It's got, like, 30,000,000 views. Find your purpose in 3 minutes. And I'm like, the you know, what's wonderful is that there are lots of people out there who are really interested in finding their purpose. That's the good message. The the shocking bit of that is nobody's finding their purpose in 3 minutes. They're not finding a purpose that can help transform their lives in the way that you're describing. It's just some kind of superficial level of insight.
James Glover [00:11:40]:
So the fact that you've done the work, that's the bit that that feels really here, but the outcome of being able to do the work is that is that control, that feeling of lightness.
Annalie Howling [00:11:49]:
You make such an interesting point. And I think there's, like, actually even more, I'm gonna say, like, darkness about that video. But as you say, the hope that people want to find something to help themselves, amazing. My concern and in the work that I do, the kind of clients I work with, yourself as well in this space, we have a responsibility to tell the truth. Right? And I could say, hey, you know, heal or I've written this or read my post or watch this 32nd reel, and it will sort you out. Well, it won't. It might resonate with something and it could start something off. And I put like book recommendations and podcasts out again, just to illuminate the first step on your path.
Annalie Howling [00:12:27]:
But my worry with things like the quick fix stuff. So I started my Instagram page on I think in the UK, we had 2 lockdowns. It was Kind of the 2nd lockdown that we had. And I started it because I'd seen so many people advertising things like, I'll cure your anxiety for $99 or watch 3 videos. You'll be free free of, like, anxiety or, you know, However, you're feeling you'll be lifted. And that's irresponsible because it's not true. And then the worst part of that is like haven't seen a 3 minute manual purpose. It might be amazing.
Annalie Howling [00:13:00]:
I haven't seen it, so I can't judge. But, you know, the worst thing about these sort of quick fix promises is if you can't do it, What does that say about me? So, oh, I didn't cure my anxiety in 3 videos for $99. I didn't find my lifelong purpose in a 3 minute TED talk when it's had so many views. What is wrong with me? And I just think that that is like a shame. You know, you're just loading on to people who are already vulnerable in that space. And I find that a bit ick And and it's irresponsible. So, as I say, I haven't seen that video, but I've seen plenty of sort of offers in in the well-being or the mental health Face or trauma work that are incongruent and will simply never deliver the impact. It's saying, absolutely, it can nudge the needle.
Annalie Howling [00:13:49]:
It can give you some information. It can help you along. But that was the reason that I started my Instagram page because I just thought, right, I'm just gonna put stuff out that I know works For free for my clients. Like, we've only just been able to start booking sessions with me in the last 4 months, I think, or buy a buy a guide or something. I haven't had anything you can buy or interact with until now for years. And because I just couldn't be with it. And I wanted people to be able to, You know, the the figures of people taking their own lives during lockdown and things like that were just astronomical. And I felt that these promises and quick fixes and then you fail at that as well, Just that underlying limiting belief, that sense of failure, that sense of shame could be so compounding that I wanted to do something else.
James Glover [00:14:32]:
So, so I think what this leads us to to to to 2 points. Firstly, ladies and gentlemen, don't come and try and work with Analie or or I unless are going to do the work. That's the fundamental truth. There are other people out there if you want a quick fix. We're not we're not the destination for you guys, and we are totally on the same page as far as that's concerned. Second thing for me here is you can hear the journey that you've been on to create a level of integrity around the type of work that you're now doing. And for me, this kind of plays itself Straight back to that where and how do I find meaning? Because there's something here you know, the the kind of the classic is Nothing has meaning unless we imbue it with some sense of significance or importance. And the way that you've just talked so impassionately about people just Being compromised in that way, I talk to me about how the experiences that you've had, those moments that have shaped who you are, Have then started to kind of turn the needle on where and how you find meaning.
Annalie Howling [00:15:33]:
Sure. So I think, again, you know, I'm very privileged, And I and I need to announce that you and I are friends. I've got people like Nikki in my life. You know, I work in coaching and therapy. I have a coach and a therapist. I've got Friends in that modality, in that area, if I need something, I can ask, and I will receive. You know? So that is privilege. If I really needed someone to do me a quick session or, James, I'm all over the place.
Annalie Howling [00:15:58]:
Can we have a call? You would do it. And I would do it. We have done. And I'm privileged to have that. And I also am expensive, and I can own that. You have a session with me. It's it's an expensive experience. And, That is privilege.
Annalie Howling [00:16:13]:
So either somebody has to be employed in a certain company where they pay for me to come in if it's like executive or corporate Or they earn enough that they can come and have a session with me. Now I also do pro bono. I never ever charge a veteran, the armed forces. That's that's where I choose to do my Free work just to to say. So that's my plea and tell. I always give my time for free. But the sort of meaning and purpose and again, linking to Instagram and other things I'm trying to do To remove the privilege from quality help. So it's it's not right that they're it's not right that you've got People who are in caring professions.
Annalie Howling [00:16:47]:
I know your wife is a nurse. You know, it's not right that you've got people that are burnt out through projects and passions that they love And they're really caring about, and they're not getting the sort of quality of support. And I mentioned this story on interviews before. But When I went to do my EMDR training, which is very specific technique for trauma, so it's eye movement desensitization reprocessing. And I was in the training center, and I'd had a MDL with my therapist. I always try before I die. You know? But with my integrity, I won't do anything or suggest I know it doesn't work or I'm not completely in. So I've been with you sessions.
Annalie Howling [00:17:23]:
You know, I've had an amazing life changing experience with it. I've, like, drunk the Kool Aid. I've found the course. I've got onto it, you know, paid for it, everything else, make the time to go and attend it. And in that course room in the UK, it was, I think there were 3 3 or 4 of us, but after about 40, that were not NHS, which is National Health Service, and, you know, where And the instructors asked who'd had EMDR. So I've got my hand up looking around, like, waiting for everyone else being like, yeah, we know that 2 of us maybe had had EMDR because, understandably, the budget wasn't there To pay for the individuals to have the the therapy for themselves and undertake the training course, not just like, but how do you know what it looks like? And there was this amazing woman in there who works in Dover and literally intercepts, like, the poor refugees and asylum seekers coming off the boats who Unimaginable trauma. That was her job day in, day out. And she hadn't and would not Be given that therapy to help herself understand it, heal, cope with her job.
Annalie Howling [00:18:35]:
It was just go on the training course and then add Into your sort of repertoire. Thank goodness that that that is something that the NHS is beginning to offer more and more. But the lack, Again, that's what privilege to me. It's missing and it's wrong. So that underpins a big part of my purpose is to find ways. And I haven't talked to a lot of technology businesses all the time. Just trying to find something that could be, congruent really works and Can genuinely help people whilst removing the privilege?
James Glover [00:19:07]:
Anna, there's there's something really, again, piquing my curiosity here, you think about the kind of the journey that you've been on to arrive at this place where actually being able to break down those barriers has is is is Fueling your sense of kind of emotional conviction. There's something here for me about you, though, Personally, regardless of the impact you're trying to create for others, where does where does your sense of self where I've come from now. When you think about working from the inside out, now the impact that you create for the people that are around you, You know, it's evidential in what you're describing, but I'm really interested in in in where you find it for you. How do you know you're enough? And in those moments where you're Not feeling it. How do you regain, re anchor, come back to, you know, center and, as you describe it?
Annalie Howling [00:19:59]:
Sure. So, obviously, it's been a journey. I think one of the things that was really when you do work so EMDR focuses on shame and trauma when you have traumatic experiences, you left with a lot of shame. So I was beaten a lot as a child, and that comes with a side helping of all the things that you've done wrong, why you've made this happen. So you're bad. You're this. You're wrong. You're stupid.
Annalie Howling [00:20:18]:
You know? Whatever. So that all goes into your system, and you absorb that like a sponge. And then Freud and Young would have had a field day with me, but I then went into the construction industry into a toxic masculine environment where it was quite you know, I didn't enjoy conflict with men. So I'm in a this is Wade for me too. You know, I'm young. I'm in a very heavily male dominated industry where just by nature is quite, you know, It could be banter, but it it can be quite intimidating a lot of the times. We're a young female, and and I was put into a role not where my, MBA in our economics was being flexed, but where it would be more preferential if I turned up to a client doing a short skirt. So, you know, that was in sales.
Annalie Howling [00:20:59]:
So all of these things underpinned my lack of of worth. So my sense of self worth was Probably through the floor. Very much very fragile, very, very sensitive. I'm a very sensitive person, quite fragile, quite, Yeah. You know, so what I did was I put on armor. Put on layers and layers of armor to just keep my little fragile soul safe because it was so, so delicate and we're kind of hanging on by a thread here. So I just armed up and I wouldn't show any emotions. I included in a lot of my friendships, personal relationships, being the cool girl, like nothing kind of fazed me, one of the lads at work, you know, just never showed any emotion.
Annalie Howling [00:21:38]:
I never cried. You know, any of those things just just kinda kept this Brave face, call it what you will. And then the biggest journey of of all of this for me has been truly unpicking that And being able to be vulnerable. And a lot of people talk about vulnerability and it's kind of, you know, it's been a bit of a buzzy word. And people said that I cannot begin to express How hard that has been for me. And it's a daily, it's a continual thing for me to be genuinely comfortable Talking about how I feel my needs, communicating that, like maybe in relationship, those sorts of things, taking up Space, you know, it's that's a very, very difficult finding safety. So in answer to your question about how do I do that now, how do I cultivate it now, I've got a huge amount of self compassion. I understand that those things that happened to me were not my fault.
Annalie Howling [00:22:32]:
I didn't deserve it. I never deserved it. And I understand that I had that journey, and I think I'm now in a position where I'm able to help others because of that. So I'm not calling it a gift, but I think it's, you know, I can use it to help other people, which is part of my purpose. But if I am feeling really flat, there's a couple of things I would do. I am the sum of many many parts, and I know that now. So which part of me is not being honored? Like, I geek out on the leadership stuff. I need to exercise for my brain.
Annalie Howling [00:23:05]:
I love going out with the girls and having too many spicy margaritas. I, Maybe it's that I need to walk in nature. Maybe it's that I need to play with my kid. Maybe it's that I need to just do none of those things and sort of disconnect from the world. But I have a she I have a lot of needs actually in different areas. Like, if you have different buckets for parts view. So one of the things I might do is come a bit of an audit of where have I not been Showing up for myself. What do I need to do? And that sounds really easy, but as a single mother running your own business, you feel inherently selfish when you go, babe, I'm sorry, but it's not an extra story tonight because mommy just needs to go and sit downstairs and, like, numb out to, I don't know, whatever or just have a shower.
Annalie Howling [00:23:42]:
It's I'm sorry. We're not doing another round of Commits tonight. You know? Like, because sometimes it feels inherently selfish, but I've got I'm not gonna these were better. I've got more comfortable, and I understand that by me popping that in, say, for 1 evening, I'm then set for the rest of the week and where I haven't been honoring myself. I'm also much more comfortable giving myself permission if I want to go off the deep end in some way, whatever that might be, like deeply into a study. Have a fun night out dancing. You know, like, whatever that might entail. If that's what I need to do to sort of set my soul Free and get a bit more excitement in.
Annalie Howling [00:24:18]:
I need it. A very early warning sign for me now is if I have no creativity at all. I know that I'm blinking on the edge. If I just I'll come up with anything. I'm down. And that's why we need to put an intervention in here quite quickly. And the other thing that I do is give myself complete permission to fuck it off for a day. So, Like there's a saying that I love, which is ask me on a different day.
Annalie Howling [00:24:45]:
And there are some times that, do you know what? Today's a day I'm just going to get through. I said to all my girlfriends as well. Sometimes we just need to get through today. We're not gonna have big thoughts. We're not gonna, like, chat We're gonna have a big internal conversations. We're not gonna tell you what. Do we're gonna throw some, like, beige food at this and, like, We're just gonna get through today, and then I'm gonna have a good night's sleep. And tomorrow, ask me on a different day.
Annalie Howling [00:25:11]:
And if I still feel the same way, if there's something I still really need to address, then Then that's when I'll sort of take it forward.
James Glover [00:25:17]:
Yeah. Yeah. Annalie, there there are just 2 massive words you've used there that I feel like we need to just kinda touch on for a second. The first one being around vulnerability and, The the kind of the almost the cognitive experience or the cognitive knowledge that vulnerability, Looks like courage and sounds like truth. Right? So those things those things feel wonderful and brave and, inspirational, yet To actually achieve them is, I I can't even find the right word in the moment to describe what it takes to be able to embrace vulnerability because it's it's a herculean effort. So there's something here. Right? But then the other word that was ramming around my head and you just kinda said it clear. Then there is permission.
James Glover [00:26:06]:
How have you given yourself permission here? Because, you know, I'm listening to you going, wow. Like, Flicked the switch there in terms of, you know, all of that, all of those experiences, all of that trauma that has become fuel for you, but there was a point at which you had to give yourself permission To feel all of that and to be able to access it in a different way and give yourself permission on a day to day basis to be able to say, hey. I've got loads of needs, Loads of different needs here, and I don't know necessarily one moment to the next which need has to be serviced. But I'm willing to give myself The time and space to understand that and then do something about it. So how do you get to the point of of of, of giving yourself permission continually? And, also, how do you access vulnerability?
Annalie Howling [00:26:51]:
So I love that question. So the permission piece, I think, when you were when you were Speaking, I was reflecting on the question. I think that comes from not asking the permission of others anymore. So I think it sounds maybe like a dichotomy paradox. But my own permission was just not asking For others, like, is this okay? Is this is this alright for me to try this? Can I do that? So I stopped doing that. I just stopped doing it. And I was like, didn't give myself the permission that maybe I'm, you know, checking in if that's okay. So I took that back if you like.
Annalie Howling [00:27:26]:
We can call it reclaiming my power, but I just honestly Just took it back. I just stopped asking for permission. And that was very empowering. And then the other thing, I remember who told me it was years ago, but I loved it. Quite a mischievous streak. You know that? And that gives me energy. So the reason I honor my mischief is it's something that's an inherent value of mine, and it gives me energy. And, they said to me, just proceed until you're apprehended.
Annalie Howling [00:27:51]:
And most of them, you know, how many times I've been apprehended? No. Not one. Not one. You know? Like, there's I've just done stuff without asking, and I'm like, well, if someone's really got a problem with it or if it's really bad don't whatever. Then they'll they'll stop me or they'll say don't or and I'm never doing anything that's ever gonna impact another person negatively. That's just not my way. But I'm like, no. I'm just not even gonna ask a lot
James Glover [00:28:17]:
of time. You know what the title of this podcast is gonna be. Right? Proceed until apprehended.
Annalie Howling [00:28:23]:
I think that it's probably a little bit of a girl thing as well. I mean, you're a daddy of a daughter as well. But, you know, I I really try with Amber and try not to tell her she's a good girl. I try not to, you know, like, oh, you know, all the things that you can be told as a woman, you know, being a good girl, not making a fuss, not making a scene. And that can really Inherently go into your system about not asking the needs to be met, you know, seeking permission first. I watched this TED talk. It was amazing. And it's a The lady who is the daughter of 2 psychologists, and she was talking about various studies as well.
Annalie Howling [00:28:53]:
And she was saying that I think parents are more likely something insane, like, 9 times out Tend to tell a daughter to be careful. With a son, you don't. So, you know, if he's off rolling around and be like, no, there is. You know? But Be careful, be careful, be careful, be careful. And, you know, and so you go into life and it's not a bad thing. Your parents are loving you, but that is just maybe how it kind of comes us in society and conditioning. But as a woman, we think that we it's that, you know? And so asking permission first, is it okay for me to do this? Is it Safe for me to do this. Will I be okay if I do this? So by me not asking permission, that's me taking my own.
Annalie Howling [00:29:34]:
Self worth, identity, validation, courage, call it what you will. Just self belief forward. And then, yeah, the proceedings are apprehended. I just love that. And it's been a great way of finding out how many how many rules you can indeed bring.
James Glover [00:29:51]:
Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. And and, and so this kind of this idea of of being able to embrace vulnerability. Like, what what really enabled you to to to to go to that place, in in the way that you have done?
Annalie Howling [00:30:06]:
Yeah. I mean, I think I can't remember exactly how it happened, but I realized at some point that was what was also making me quite ill. The the the layering, the armoring, the vital flight response, the, you know, just get through just get through, Smile, grin and bear it, grit your teeth, you know, all these things that it just was exhausting. And I had a big burnout. And I think that was part of it. Actually, going to the States Was the 1st big step in that. I went to America to do my coach training. After having the sessions with Nikki and deciding I wanted to just go down that path, I type a.
Annalie Howling [00:30:44]:
So if I'm going to do anything, I'm going to do it the best. So I went to San Francisco to where the home of the coach school is And I enrolled there. And there was two reasons. I wanted to do it so that it was something that I had the full experience of. And it was at the time, it wasn't the best offer in the UK. And I wanted to completely immerse myself, different times, and then just have that experience for me. And on the coach so I'm very British, not vulnerable, layers of armor, never cry. And I mean, like, years, like, solar eclipses go past.
Annalie Howling [00:31:17]:
You know? Like, never show emotion. And I'm there with sort of 20 Americans, California as well, and they're just Honoring, holding space, you know, all of this. And it was like and I did a really good job. And and honestly, I remember thinking, I can get through this. I can whiten up all this. I just nod and wipe my lip or stick my, you know, stick your nails in your palms, and I'll get through it. And if somebody asks a really personal question. I'll be fine, and I'll I'll, you know, I'll do all this stuff.
Annalie Howling [00:31:46]:
And they broke me in about They break me with their love and all ringing in like Oh. Very quickly, actually, because, I mean, again, you would have done this. But you do so many, Like horrifically vulnerable activities at the beginning when you're not used to it, eye gazing, crossing lines. You would have done it. You put physical lines often in tape, coach's favorite tool, on the floor, and you have to name things you're Stepping into and leaving behind and then seeing other people's transformation as well has always been something that, you know, you're seeing these people as well that are going through it with you. And one of the things they don't Tell you when you learn to become a coach, you're like, yeah. I'm gonna get that qualification. But you're showing up, and you're gonna pull your soul Through the end of this as well and come out the other side something new, and they don't tell you that.
Annalie Howling [00:32:35]:
Like, your personal transformation is kind of an add on that you get. But wow, did I get it? And it was just such an amazing group to be witnessed by. I spent sort of three and a half, 4 months in total there and just made so many amazing friends. I'm still such good friends with them now. And I actually think that doing it there and in that way, permission, we use that word again, I gave myself permission to show up differently. This was like a Self permission to show up differently. This was like a fresh start. It's a new group.
Annalie Howling [00:33:02]:
It's kind of a new career. It was safe to do that there. And if you're not going to try it on there, my God, when am I ever going to try this on? No. And I can remember feedback in one of the earlier They're like, you're so perfect. You you just you you hold it together so well. Like, you present yourself Too, too shiny, too glossy. And that was the perfectionism and the people pleasing and all this stuff. And like some of one of my piece of homework was to come as like a, think they said like a messy goddess or something like that.
Annalie Howling [00:33:32]:
But for me, that was so difficult to be able to kind of To not do that, to not manage things, to not, you know, keep things together or present a certain exterior. But, yeah, I mean, they they Had my had my soul out there, and, we put it back together in a different way.
James Glover [00:33:51]:
You know what, Analie? One of the, The kind of the core tenants and and maybe you say core tenant. Deep held belief that I have around purpose is the leaps of faith that it allows you to take. Because, fundamentally, you're trying to tap into something within yourself that doesn't have words, That isn't about rational logic. It isn't about information and knowledge and experience. It's about intuition. It's about emotion. And when you're able to access that, it enables you to have and create faith and belief in what is possible. And so you go into the unknown not knowing what the outcome is gonna be.
James Glover [00:34:31]:
And I think what's really wonderful in the the stories that you're sharing here are the moments of leaps of faith Where something used to be true and it almost defined your reality. But then there was a point at which you went, I I don't want this to define my reality. I don't know what the new reality looks like or needs to be, but I'm going into it, And let's see what happens. And whether we call it permission or whatever, there was just a sense of growing awareness to your intuition about what you needed, about where meaningfulness, not just what's important and significant or understanding, but, you know, the depth of, of connection, really, was was arriving from for you and going after it, which, you know, is It's inspirational to be able to hear somebody take that on. And I think I almost what almost The inspiration and the message for me is give it a go. Give it a go. That's what that's what I'm hearing is Don't don't stop yourself. Don't put the handbrake on.
James Glover [00:35:38]:
Let the handbrake go. Look. Check me out. I had all the handbrakes. It wasn't just 1 handbrake. I had about 8 vehicles worth of handbrakes on all at the same time. I just started taking them off. And check it out.
James Glover [00:35:47]:
It's mega.
Annalie Howling [00:35:49]:
It's it's so true. And I think, again, you know, there's privilege in that. I was able to take Time of change of business. I went to the states. I kind of immersed myself in that. But I completely honestly, it's almost embarrassing this. I'm just gonna own it. When I first broke up with my husband and left my marriage, I had never put air in my tires.
Annalie Howling [00:36:05]:
Never once. And I needed to do it, and I didn't know Exactly how to do it. And I went up the road to my amazing neighbors. And she was like, oh my god because she's been through a divorce and, you know, come on you. Family trip with her husband, her brother who was over from the states, me, my daughter went to the local petrol station, and all of them had their own way of doing it And sort of showed me exactly how to do this on on the old car. And it was after that you know, obviously, I know how to do it again. But the thing that I did was I asked for their help, and that made me feel really vulnerable. Because what I would have done before is just, like, go to a garage or get it done on a surf, honestly, because I didn't know how, I found the environment quite intimidating.
Annalie Howling [00:36:47]:
Or if you went through it, like, people being nice would be a bit like, you're right, they laugh. And it was the nicest thing for me to just I'm totally alright here. You know? But I It was the bigger leap was going to ask for help and say and admit, I don't know how to do this. And there were videos on YouTube, and it's very, very helpful. YouTube couple of amazing pictures. I've done some stuff on the the washing machine, but actually it leads on to this. Every time I've done things that, You know, what I wanted to say to people listening is it doesn't have to be these huge, great, big, life changing transformations. It can be just start wherever you are.
Annalie Howling [00:37:20]:
And I went It's a really beautiful. It's a very lovely place in Richmond, and it's like a lovely sort of wellness thing. I took actually the same neighbor who's amazing to this kind of, yoga new year movement, some intentions event. And she'd been through quite a tough time. And I knew she needed to release. So I'm taking her to something, and we're gonna go through this together. But I know that she needed to, lesser, release some stuff. And the teacher went around the room, and she was like it was 10th January or something.
Annalie Howling [00:37:45]:
And she was checking in with people, and a few people were speaking up. And this 1 lady just said, I just know that the people in my life right now are not kind of who I need them to be to help me move forward. I know that I need to make changes, but I don't know what they look like. And she said, honestly, this is just my first step, I don't know what's gonna come from here. And everyone in that room, there were 70 people, were like, you know, and the teacher was brilliant. She's like, right. There's 3 people here. Put your hands up.
Annalie Howling [00:38:15]:
They're willing to change numbers. And, like, we can start becoming part of this new tribe. And that is out there for everybody. I want to say, like, it doesn't have to be, Oh, I need to change my career and go on this massive journey. Like, you know, that was just such a resonant moment For everyone in that room who has felt lost and didn't have the North Star in that moment, and it's just in that one thing, and then it sets you up on that path.
James Glover [00:38:41]:
Yeah. Yeah. Love that. Love that, Annalie. Thank you. I guess I have 1 final question, really, which is, What what's the next leap of faith look like for you? Where does where does that kind of sense of purpose and meaning? Where is it pulling you towards?
Annalie Howling [00:38:57]:
Okay. So I don't know what I can say. Actually, this is a big there's a project going on at the minute. And so when this comes out, there's a huge leap of faith. I've spent the last 2 hours doing before coming on to this call with you, which is pulling me so far out of my comfort zone, I can't begin to tell you. It's a creative project. So it's something that I have, you know, long, say, wistfully wished for, procrastinated about Fantastically. And then have now had an opportunity come into me which requires me to really show up And be really vulnerable and have a lot of people look over, my work if you like it.
Annalie Howling [00:39:36]:
If you don't tend to do it since you're a kid, you don't tend Pan things in. People just kinda mark and make comments. And it's honestly, it's really been such a big leap for me to be able to kind of, Do that and I can absolutely own again. I've procrastinated quite a bit about it because I didn't feel perfect enough or ready enough or All the stuff. And I have had to lean on all those moments that I didn't know something and, you know, ask for help. And so this has been, I'm Currently very much in the thick of doing something that terrifies me. But I've got to tell you, like, just before I literally spent The morning today, doing it, phone off, working in sprints, doing all the stuff. And I finished What I was doing and I just felt so alive.
Annalie Howling [00:40:25]:
Like, I felt so alive. And Yeah. It was it's so that's where I am at the moment. So sorry if it's a bit jiggly, but you're
James Glover [00:40:33]:
Ladies and gentlemen, Emily is keeping all of us So on the, on on Tenterhooks here about whatever whatever this may be. We just have to kinda keep our, keep our eyes open. But I I don't even know where to begin in just thanking you for the best part of 40 minutes of just intense openness And, an inspiration, really. Thank you for just come being willing to being in the conversation and just and sharing with a level of authenticity and integrity about the work And, and and what that can create if we really embrace it. Yeah. Been wonderful to have you on the excitable soul podcast, It's Valerie Howling.
Annalie Howling [00:41:10]:
Thank you. I've loved it.
James Glover [00:41:14]:
Massive thank you for taking the time to listen to the Excitable Soul podcast. If you are interested in uncovering, understanding, and unleashing your sense of purpose, come and explore our purpose immersion programs at the excitable soul.com. We look forward to hearing from you there or being with you on our next episode. Have an incredible day.